Sunday, December 24, 2006

Home for the Holliays

It is always good to return home. yea the mess never gets any better. But it's not just the crappy house that is constantly getting torn down while it's still standing. My dat the one man wrecking crew. Still all told, i am happy to be back. there's no carpet in my room cuz Atheana pissed on it so many times, the living room is a mess, mom and dad's bed is about to collaps, to tell the truth the house is a disaster area. But it is home. Driving up on the 5 from San Diego airport there were visual reminders of my past. the county i love so much, where i spent most of my life. On the way up i saw some of the roads i had taken in my life. To Del Mar, Rancho Santa Fe, and to MEPS. like rolling back the curtan on memories.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

(almost) empty room

to say that my room is empty is not quite accurate. I still have wuite a lot of stuff in my room. it is actually amazing to me that after all the boxes and foot lockers were removed my closet is STILL full. mostly though it's stuff i really do need. Ie clothes, uniforms, stuff like that
aside from wanting (more like needing) more time i really don't feel too much about this move. I can't help but be slightly jubulant.

Tommorow I'll be getting an ARCOM (Army Comedation Medal) i'll be in line I guess. I'm not the highest awarded dude around but still i'm starting on my third row. that actually surpasses my dad and he was an Officer. I guess that does seem kind of childish since the NDM (National Defence Medal), the GWOTSM (Global War on Terrorism Service Medal). and the army service ribbon (the much vaunted "gay pride" ribbon) are all kind of like hand outs when you finnish AIT. i did actually have to deploy to get the GWOTSM, but i also got the expeditionary medal (i havn't traded that one in for the ICM or Iraqi Campaign Medal, because i know i'll get an ICM sooner or later) Still it does make me feel some pride. Each one of those ribbons has a story behind them, and though each is just a tiny little ribbon, each of them has a peice of my life wrapped up in them.

Oh also important, the New Transformers movie trailer is FREAKIN SWEET Iknow i am showing my super nerd colors to say that but c'mon dude who didn't love Transformers. I mean anything turns into a robot. Cars, microscopes, guns, jets, trains, shuttles, EVEN BUGS. I loved the original (often refered to as "G1") but some of the follow on shows were great (though the Japanese ran with it a little too far in my opinion. they had all sorts of rediculious attachments, and things of that sort that kind of killed the show) I chalk this up to ANOTHER summer movie that i will miss and, of course have to see on boot leg. Who knows, I might try to get leave again in July.

Last but definatly not least is lisa. I feel kind of guilty. I fell asleep on her (again) when she really wanted to talk to me. I read her Blog, and to tell the truth i'm not sure how to approach the subject. I know the pain of the ones left behind is often as great if not greater than the ones that go out, but this has been a fact of life for as long as mankind has existed. I wish there was a way to ease her burden, like always i want to charge to the rescue, when there is no possible way to rescue her. But i also know she won't cheat on me. in her own words she's not even tempted to get a good "eye fuck" (on a side note this sounds really painful and if i didn't know what it means i'd probably not ask). I coul;d say the same myself. Of course if i am getting undressed with the eyes i'm usually oblivious to it. But i am human and i do notice attractive women, but it doesn't go beyond a single glance unless there's sticthes, or some deformity, my medical sense gets the better of me and then i can only see the injury/deformity.

I really don't know how to handel her fears, and of course it doesn't help all the memories are bubbling up to the surface as the deployment becomes very real. As this new one looms in the distance, i am remebering things i had completly forgotten. the Good, the terrible, and the boredom. I can't help but thell her. It just comes spilling out of me. I have told her about my nightmares, and my dreams. I don't know why i tell her. sometimes i think i shouldn't. But when she listen to my fears, that inside i am a monster waiting to be loosed, when i tell here about how in my nightmares i enjoy killing, she told me i wasn't evil. Something released in me, i was still afraid of my darkness, but i knew i could accept it.

Fear and hope are so tightly bound together with Lisa. there is so much hope for the future. There is fear of where that future might lead me. Will i return to her battered and broken. A Shell of what i was? i couldn't live with myself if I dragged Lisa down. If the worst should happen? What then. She deserves a long and loving life. I will give her all i can.

Like a shot of morphine it was NEARLY painless

Ok so my freaking out was apparently COMPLETLY unwarented. i mena i am nearly clear of post, all i have to do is one tiny thing at the Koplend Center, my HHG is getting picked up tommorow, and i can breathe a sigh of relief. I guess with a little luck the last sections will be a breeze. Here's hoping.

There are so many things I want to do, for my memories. Get a video tour of the ER, get a picture next to that big Johnson City sign (maybe even Hope in the way up) oh Johnson city "home of Lyndon B. Lohnson" and Hope Ak "birthplace of Pres Clinton" a good pic of III Corps, maybe a piucture of every X-mas tree in sight, lots of pics of the Garzas, start the first anual Hood Nude marathon, though admiditly with some of the military wives that's not a good idea. actually it's a sickening idea.

I am almost gone!!! i don't know how life could be better. It's like a dream i don't really feel like i'm leaving Ft Hood, i can't belive i have such a wonderful girlfriend, and i can't belive how much she loves me. It is all so good. If this is a dream i never want to wake up.

Monday, December 18, 2006

The Crazieness of Life and clearing.

I will start off by saying i am a night owl. I have been ever since i got to Ft Hood. The problem that comes from this is that there is this whole sleeping in thing. I slept till 1100. I had my alarm set for 1000 but i just couldn't bring myself to get my lazy ass out of bed. That will prbably change. Anyway i thought i could just go to the ER print up a DA 137-1 (or something like that) and be on my way. No such luck.

And the best part of all while i'm messing around with the shift leader computer they had a CPR in progress 5 feet to my 3 oclock. That's the seccond time that that's happened to me. First time was a baby, and after that i just kinda went to EMT class. It makes me wonder, when death is nothing more than a passingf currosity, what does that say to me. I've had friends die while i was here, and i felt . . . nothing. As a defense mechanism i have detached myself. I wade in death as people waded into tide pools in Hawaii. Lisa makes me feel alive, so i guess there's hope after all.

After that i tried to run over to PAC office to get my unit clearing papers. Of course they left for lunch. It was 1115, i don't remember leaving for lunch till 1130 but i'm not going to gripe about these POGs. I had to go home and wait. It was not easy. I simply sat there trying HARD not to fall asleep. After eating lunch at 1230, and wolfing it all down (heart burn anyone) i rushed over there and of course it took too much time. I was sitting there eying my watch, panicing because i had to pick up my post clearing papers at 1315. I finally did get there, and again i was still panicing because i had baisically 15 mins before the finance breifing.

Funny thing i got there with plenty of time to spare. It was a huge load off my back. After that i spent the rest of the day clearing. It was somewhat easy, but not as easy as i would have liked. there's all these sections you have to go to that have prerequisites, and they are only open from certen hours (usually at the same time). Here's what I don't get. If they're in the office ALL FREAKING DAY, WHY CAN'T THEY JUST TAKE YOU AT ANY TIME?!? Well to make a long story short i got a lot more done than i thought i would. Still there are a lot of things i have to wonder if they're optional. I mean i pretty much had today tommorow, and thursday to clear. HHG pickup is 0800-1800 which pretty much locks me down. WTF! As you can no doubt tell it makes life interesting. GWell LIsa is still the highlight of my day, so I can't complain TOO much

Sunday, December 17, 2006

A little WAHOO, and a bunch of YIPPIE AYE KI AYS

Good news, Pretty much my only reader (Lisa) is now officially my GF. Of course the "official" position and definition of what people are always confises me, and it's really like a bad episode of Friends. The point is, well i knew it would happen. it was kind of a certainty in my mind, but it wasn't so in Lisa's. Her greatest worry is (well understandable) that she will cheat on me, or in some way screw it up. I can see why she is worried. I can't help but believe in her, even when she doesn't have faith in herself.

Last night we took a little time to poke fun. Well the thing is that hind sight is 20/20. I saw things one way she saw things another. I was poking fun at her time in AZ and she poked fun at the night i was drunk and was obsessing about um someone. lol. Well there were a few great needled back and forth. lots of fun lol. I was happy none the less. it was the first time i've actually talked to lisa since she left AZ.

so what does this mean? well really it doesn't change anything right now. I mean it's not like i can run over there tommorow, hang out for a few mins, spread some smooches, and drive back. Nope not gonna be that easy. I pretty much have to wait till the 26th, when i fly back, and i have to drive out. great stuff.

This comming week is going to be rough. I mean i baisically have to clear post (and the hospital) in about three working days. I hate the fact that this is all last minuet. I mean i still havn't worked it all out, and i'm going to have to run form on point to another all day long. Fortunatly CIF will be easy. For the most part i havn't left too much of a foot print in this post. Hopefully (for the most part) i'll just show up, be like "hi i'm leaving" get my stamp and leave. Yea like that'll ever happen.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

MasCal, and the Post Clearing papers

The day started off, actually at around 2:45 yesterday i showed up for work, for a 2 shift (1445-2315), and i had done a 3 shift the night before (2245-0715) SFC Garcia saw how tired i was and told me to go home and come back for a 3 shift. so I went home, went to sleep (it really does make a difference a few hours sleep). Of course I tried not to work. I was shaming HARDCORE. It was the last shift, and I was not trying to do ANYTHING. I was having a long debate with SPC Wenzel about Zombie movies. finally a dork as big as I am.

I had to stay up. I had a Breifing at 0945, the briefing you have to get before you pick up your post clearing papers. The problem is that at about 0800 they called me in for a MasCal excersize. Last time it took many hours to be done (and i hurt my foot) This time they just wanted me to pull security. Funny thing, I'd already told everybody that would listen that i had to go to this breifing. i told them 0900. good thing too, they kept me till 0845 gaurding a door. I told EVERYBODY that would listen i really HAD to go. but sadly it was all in vain. in the end their dependance on me was a really BAD thing as it shortchanged one of the treatment teams out of a medic. Of course if they had done what they had said they were going to do (release me as soon as i got in) then it would have been alright.


Technically i should have gone to this briefing a couple of days ago. But to tell the truth i'd either slept through it, or wasn't interested. what can i say i'm human. to make a long story short i am baisically hosed by my need to sleep. Damm Ft Hood doesn't make clearing easy. Schofield was WAY easier. I Picked up my pictures and all, they look good. and after that i went to sleep that pretty much wraps up the day.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Foot in Mouth Disease

I have to do a quick blurb about this. I'm not normally an asshole, but on occasion the things i say if taken out of context can be taken the WRONG way. I mean REALLY wrong. So today i did one of my ever infamous insert foot into mouth moments and commented that Lisa could probably have a loud and very obnoxious fart, and guys would love her for it. I can't really help it. I mean after all it seems like every guy on the face of the planet likes lisa, so I was being a smart ass. I've been known to be worse. . .

Of course the worst part is that I often say things that i don't mean or talk about things that hurt other people. Last night i let it slip that i was in a situation where i'd have gotten shot if i didn't eat Iraqi food. well it was an exaguration but not by much. that sheik was a real shifty dude. the problem: the woman's husband is in Iraq right now. I swear to God i really hate this about myself .

Saturday, December 9, 2006

AMEDD Ball

A lot of people don't like Balls. The formal kind or testicles. I personally like my own testicles, but i'm sick of having to look at other people's testicles. But that's COMPLETLY beside the point. I went to the AMEDD (Army MEDical Department) formal holiday ball. I have to admit it's nice to get together. I got in my dress Greens (class A's with a white collared shirt and a bow tie) and I realized whoever designed that damm thing never had to do anything in it. it may look good, but the damm thing is a pain in the but to wear. be that as it may it was still fun. Everyone got all dressed up (I was FLOORED at how well Hansen and Jodi shined up and that Hansen is pregnant)

I saw Ch Luckie, Dawn, Carrol, Amanda, the two NCOs i did CQ with (i have to admit they both shined up REALLY well. I keep saying that. Formal gowns have a way of making me bable like a prepubesant) I also saw Major Richter (my commander in Iraq ah good ol Charlie) and of cours SFC Garcia, SGT Reeser, and a few other people. I had a hard time eating, again do to the Class A's coat. I also had a hard time drinking the beer Major Richter bought me.

I have to mention the 12 days of AMEDD. It's baisically the 12 Days of Christmas with an AMEDD twist. I had 12 deadlined Hummers. Of course the problem is that around five there was a train wreck of sorts. so it was funny to hear 4 tables of people shouting things at different times. as it was i only got 4 docs in surgery and a trip to the SRP. It was a train wreck to say the least. It was funny though. I laughed my ass off.

The night ended with the Brass getting inducted into MOrder of merit for military medicne (or something like that) of course it was all COL LTC and SGM's. no chance in hell that I'd get into it unless I were like a really big wig. I hate it when they parade around the brass and be like "we did such a good job in all our years of service" now don't get me wrong i'd love one of those merit thingies (but you can only wear it at balls so what is the point, kinda like Audie Murphy)

After that was the dancing, but i wasn't fool enough to stick around for that. i stayed long enough to see Dinese Ah Young (i was on the sidelines with her husband that was holding all the stuff ie purse) and Daown Whippo, Amanda Carrol and a few others do the electric slide. I wasn't fool enough to join them. But still it was worth a laugh. and that really ended the night for me.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Big Red One

You'll notice the big red one featured in this video. that's where i'm headed and i've got to tell you last time i was under them it was a disaster. OH well.





No Mission too dificult
No Sacrafice too great
Duty First

Sick as a Dog

That's right. I am sick as a dog, yesterday I was ordered to go into the ER by SFC Garcia. I went in, signed in at the front desk, got my vitals taken, the usual bit (i must say though that the preferncial treatment we give our own does come in handy). I was told to wait by the shiftleader computer til a room opened up. I didn't complain, they were bedlocked, and there was no need for me to go to bed one. I remember leaning foward and being kind of out of it, and then i sat back to catch my breath.

What happened, was that Dinese, our social worker came by, and saw I was sitting there, with my hat on and a mask on. I was really out of it, and she also noticed I was sweating like a pig. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but they got me out of my jacket and buddy walked me to bed 9. Needless to say I was pretty out of it. I was only really able to whisper, and my O2 sats were in the 94/95% range. not to bad but not good either. Usually a person on room air will sat 97-100% your in deep shit if you hit 90% and if you hit 50% your goose is cooked.

I don't know how long i was there last night, i can't even remember all the treatments they gave me. I will say this though. HAND IV'S FREAKING HURT!!! I do know that the albuteral mist sure helped. Tastes kind of funny though. Oh and the nasula canula will really dry out your sinuses.

This morning I went to get re-evaluated, and I was put on quarters (again) for 24 hours. I am feeling better, not the bed ridden mess I was the last time I had quaters (Saturday). How grand it is that i now hve the day for myself. What will i do? I'll tell you. Nothing. Maybe do laundry but i'm not trying to go somewhere and get seen goofing off.

Monday, December 4, 2006

The Alien in My Chest

Good God almighty, i am sick as a dog. I am "walking wounded", so it's not severe enough to sign in to the ER again, but it is bad enough that i am getting winded if I walk more than a couple of steps. Actually I'm slightly winded in a resting position. It is not a good thing. I can't find the meds I took home with me last night. Not cool.

The problem is I feel like i've got one of those nice little chest busters from Alien sigging inside my chest. I hope i don't ACTUALLY have one of those but you never know. of course that'd mean i'm in for a horrible death. but hey i'm a soldier, that's one of the risks.

It's nice to know that even though I think I sound like a doped up hypoconcdriac Lisa is still behind me. Serously that woman gives me reasons to smile when shit hits the fan. Of course i havn't talked to her as much as i would have liked in the past few days. not much could be done about that. I was bed ridden and barely able to move on the second, and the third well she was busy. I'm happy for the tid bits i do get.

Good news, sort of, Sam wrote a polite nastygram last night. It's good that SOMEONE finally is saying something about the poor treatment the Medics are recieving at the hands of the civillian nurses. I am half tempted to do the same thing when i go to work next time. I've been holding back a tirade since (WEST FREAKING POINT!!!) april, which was exacerbated by all the idiocy I went through trying to get to a line unit (1ST CAV ANYONE!?!) and the hoops i went through to finally land with a bitch deal for re-enlistment. It will be hard not to be scathing.

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Get Down With the Sickness

It started off as a mild headache, then progessed rapidly on to searing pain and dizzyness. It ended up with me siging in at the ER (good thing i work there, i got seen pretty quickly). I got some pretty good drugs, and that held me over. It was really intresting trying to walk home. Morphine makes the world a weird place.

Yesterday was nothing but bed rest. It was hard to roll over and go back to sleep again and again and again, but then again (i need to stop saying again so much) it was HARDER to get out of bed and do, well, anything.

This morning I woke up, *mostly* headache free but now i've got what feels like a bruise on my hip and joint pain in my elbows. Also i have a lot of coughting, that is sometimes productive. To top it all off i have the awful taste of vomit in my mouth that neither brushing nor mouthwash has been able to get rid of. It is making me feel like crap. My stomach is already feeling bad enough.

And sadly, my quarters is up. So it's in to work for me tonight. I really don't want to go into work, especially since I am JUST starting to recover to the point that i can actually be ambulitory to more than just my bathroom.

Friday, December 1, 2006

Driving Over the Edge.

Something that truly gets me crazy is the constant change of schedule. The Er is never certain, but it is important to have at least SOME regularity to your life. I am sick of getting called into work on "emergency" shifts because the CNAs were too lazy to show up (though to be fair Mrs Sanchez isn't among those) I am tired of "shit rolling down hill" and I always catch the worst of it. Too bad I haven't mastered the art of the "Sham Shield".

It also gets me depressed that any sense of a life is completely subservient to my department. It is one thing to work somewhere, where OCCASIONALLY they have emergencies and call you in, and you have to work odd hours. But this ER is always on the verge of collapse. It truly pains me that I am the one that has to save the day. I mean don't get me wrong I do it out of habit, but i don't get treated like crap for doing it.

Of course the Financial situation is going to drive me over the edge. I can not believe I spent over $1000 on just pictures. I suppose it is best for the people i can't be with to have visual reminders of me. Of course it's also excessively vain. Well I hope people like them.

I am going Nuts. I am going crazy because of this place. I tell everyone (that will listen) that this was the worst year of my life (including the one i spent in Iraq). The Light at the end of the tunnel is the PCS to Ft Riley. The light that keeps me from going Completly postal. Not so much a shooting rampage, more like pistol whipping the more annoying people. Ernie would be first, and maybe a few of the pansy people that are always trying to get out of stuff.