Thursday, July 31, 2008

Why the Hell Don't you have any damm UNIFORMS!?!?!

One thing that truly drives me nuts about Fort Riley is that the PX (Post Exchange) and Clothing and Sales (Uniform shop) are COMPLETELY inadequate for the amount of troops here. Never mind the fact that short of the Marines, we have every service here, For a post that pretty much sees all of DOD coming through, you'd think it'd have a bigger PX.

So pretty much after I got my RTD memo, I went looking for a new set of Class A's (the green uniform with all the medals and ribbons on it). Here's the rub, there are two types of class A's, the Polyester and Ploy wool. I'm not sure which is which, but they both cost an arm and a leg. I can't use my old pair of class A's because they don't fit anymore (and they're sort of ratty). And I eventually have to get a set of Dress Blues (I'm going to need them sooner or later). The problem is that the Green Service uniform is going to be phased out so they're making less and less of them.

Even more amazing then the fact that the Male section was woefully inadequate the female section was almost completely untouched. I mean they actually had sizes that would fit ME! I don't know what's more grating. No matter what happens I need class A's, and no one has them!!! I'm sure there are other places that have supply issues as well but it always seems that I run into stuff like this. In Hawaii, I never got the MOLE rig, In Fort Hood, I had to buy my own ACUs (Despite being told by the army that at least two pair would be issued) and now this. I'm almost afraid to ask: what next?

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Getting Back in Shape.

I remember long ago there was a movie called "the Great White Hype" about a boxer trying to get in shape. I remember that he said "I'm in shape, I'm round". well That'd be me. ROUND. I had no problem with it when I didn't have to think about it. It'd have been great for right now. I think that there is a bunch of things that I should be doing right now. For one I should be spending about 20 hours a day in a gym.

Another thing that bothers me is that I simply can't get into it. I want to believe that if I just tried a bit harder it'd be all good, but I'd pretty much have to go back to Basic. Since that's not going to happen, well I guess I'll have to try to keep myself motivated. But thats the problem. Going to the gym and sticking to strait cardio (to burn calories and cuz last time i cut loose with the weights without a spotter I hurt myself) Here's the problem: ITS BORING!!!

aside from the fact that COPS shows up occasionally on the tube, I don't care what you're doing if you're not actually into the show, or whatever it still gives you something to do while your legs go like a dam rodent. Its getting hard to keep a routine. Its not just the cardio being boring, I'm also not doing well on the Anerobic scene. Even though I love pumping Iron as much as the next guy, doing it solo sucks more than being forced to watch telatubies and gay pride parades with mandatory tolerance training to follow. In short. . . major Donkey Balls.

I feel shamed. Even in basic I still managed to do 35 push ups without being too winded. Here. . . not so much. A year without PT has really and truly taken its toll. I honestly don't know if I can pass a PT test in 3 months, let alone ht/wt and Tape test. Laymen's terms. . . I'm screwed. Looks like I'm going to have to go back to the Liquid diet.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Flight Medic Re-up. . . well not right now

I wanted to get my wings, no not pilots wings, but the army Crewman's badge. Ok I know that's a mouthful, the gist is that Medivac is really the hot button. Those medics have to have their shit wired right. More so then even line medics. Well I had some experience with them, and they are (for the most part) a pretty squared away group of medics. I figure that If I'm oing to re-up again it's going to be something High Speed, and I made the choice that I'd either do this, or go to the 75th.

Slight catch. I haven't taken a PT test in over 2 years. Oh and all my certifications have expired. Woops. When it comes to the PT test, I took the one that was *supposed* to get me into West Point, passed with flying colors, and when that fell through I went as FTA (Fuck The Army!) as you can get. I Quit doing PT, and when it came time for me to take a PT test 6 months later I ducked and doged using all my sham sheild powers.

Somewhere along the way (don't even ask me where) I got it in my head that it would be a great idea to re-up for needs of the army. I wasn't really thinking of the horrible thought "what could be worse than Hood?" I kinda was side tracked by that $10K bonus. Well all that is sort of ancient history right now, but the point is that at the time I probably should have re-upped for a shcool. Hell I had a slot for Ranger Training Brigade, before i screwed the pooch on that one.

The simple solution is go to a unit, get in shape, and go from there. That's not as easy as it sounds. Last time I got off flag status I had to do the liquid diet (which believe me was no picnic). I would do it again if I was assured that I'd get what I wanted. The problem is that I'm not sure I would. Retention, is a lot like Recruiting. Every once in a while, there is an honest one, but more often than not, sadly, the folks that do it are more interested in their quota. Bad Juju for me.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


I don't know why, but for some reason today when they did the big IG walk through, everyone was so damm angry! The first thing we noticed about the "IG" inspection was that people comming threough had a lot of brass. there was a Mjaor leading it and all sorts of senior elisted folks and Junior officers following him.

For some reason this guy was fumming even before he started looking at our rooms. Here's the funny part Yost's wheelchair became a huge deal. they must've had at least five different people ask ten times or so why there was a wheel chair there. who knew that having a wheel chair would be a bad thing?

Well add to that they were really upset about the propane BBQ we had there, after all they had just made a pavillion for us. I get that. But serously, can you really expect people to leave a nice propane BBQ there if there is no way to secure it? I don't know why but the higher ups always make a big issue out of things that always seem pretty minor. We had everything from SGM on down tearing into our asses about this and that. It kinda makes a guy want to just vanish, disapear all that jazz.

So this big huge deal was made and I ended up having to move the grill up to the pavilion, and all the crap that came with that, and we had to leave it there unsecure. I kinda feel bad about it, because there are probably a million odd ways it gan get ganked. Still when the major says move it, you say "Yes sir!" and get it done. God I need to get out of the B's. Shit like this wouldn't happen if i was living off post.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Google Maps: Cool and Disturbing at the Same Time!

Today I was just messing around online. I figgured I'd try to find the best directions to Jessi's apartment. So I'm sitting there looking at google maps, and then I clicked on the satellite view. It was almost disturbing how far I could zoom in. So just for the hell of it I went over to Baghdad, and actually found my COP!!! for almost an hour I was zomming in and out of familiar landmarks that I knew in the greater Kamilayah and Fedalayah area. I saw Preadators and Pluto, Rusty, the airfeild, hell I was even able to find both outter ans inner berm road. I was able to pick out at least three different houses I'd conduced raids on and I don't even want to talk about some of the other stuff I was able to find.

Then, just for shits and giggles I found my folks home and would you belive it the view showed it in such great detail that i was just a little creeped out. I could see the boat that my dad had, the tents he'd erected to protect shit from the elements, I could almost see the dogs!!! It was freaky. Were I in a anti-US mood I could do a lot of damage with intel like this.

Now granted the photos aren't current (the one for where Jessi is has snow on the ground) but If the photos are taken with in a few months, things don't change that drastically. Our Intel photos weren't this detailed, and we lived and died by them. Hell if the FBCB2, were hooked up to google maps we'd never run into dead ends. Ok maybe thats an exaguration but not by much.

So here I am, a cyberistic satellite vouyer, and I'm seeing things that I probably shouldn't, and wondering if Google can do this, how hard would it be for those that are not the good guys, to do it? The answer is I don't know, but I'm sure I wouldn't like the answer.

I don't know if I'm that good at land nav, or what, but every single point I tried to find, I found, even if I didn't know the name of the roads. All I needed were landmarks, and I found everything from E Quad at Schofield, to where my current barraks are (they don't actually show up on the map, but they're there). There is not one point that I dreamed up that I couldn't find, making it Either google, or me that's really good.

I don't think anything else has nailed home the point that, in the information age, everything is available. It seems that there is no peice of information or technology that a person can not find or at least figgure out where to get it. I'm almost affraid to ask but at what point does the government step in and say that's a little too much information for the private sector? At what point does a really nifty tool become a serious threat?

I'm going to go to bed, just a little freaked out, and hoping that I can sleep. I get the feeling that this will probably have me a little jittery for a while. After all, if I can find it, then I know someone else can. Scary hugh?

The Amarican Dream, not really as the Founding Fathers saw it.

today in America, everyone can pretty much make their oppinion known. Hell everyone can do pretty much whatever they want to do. In the world of instant access there is almost no one that can not have their voice heard. You will hear opinions, tirades, and "facts" putting out every point of view imaginable. Every issue is digested and there for public consumption. In a uniquely American tradition all our leaders and all our laws are open to debate. The result is that if just one word is mispoken in public eye, even if it is in private sometimes the whole world will know about it in a matter of minuets.

While it was always the "Armerican way" to challange boundries, and try to better yourself by making the world a better place, I serously doubt that people have gotten it right. In the last couple of years I have become more and more aware of people who are out right looney demanding to be taken serously. You have everything from people crying "Racist" every time someone utters the word "black" you have rabid femminists and gay activists crying sexism every time someone says something remotely against them, and the worst part of all, my tax dollars actually pay for their outrage.

So what happened? Why are things that used to be private issues now being thrown in my face? Well sadly we, are to blame. We have allowed our inhabitions to be slowly erodded and now children who haven't even gone trhough puberty are making choices about their sexuality. How can you make a choice about sexuality if you're physically and mentally uncappible of handeling the implications?

I pull out a line from "the Patriot". "Tell me, why should I trade One tyrant three thousand miles away for three thousand tyrants one mile away?" I am forced to not only see, but hear everything. Whatever a person did in their home, I didn't have to know unless I was invited into it, but now there are all sorts of groups which take traditionally private acts public. I'd like to report that I'm not in anyway biased, but the truth is I am a conservative and the Liberal antics that are getting more and more raucous in an effort to be accepted (see South Park episode "Death Camp of Tolerance"). Listen folks I will probably never accept you the way you wanted.

I don't care if mommy loved you too much or daddy didn't love you enough, you have the clap, the City of Chicago sucks, a chimpanzee gave you AIDS, your tooth hurts, and no one wants to see my nasty exibitionsim. Listen people the 1st Amendment is written on PAPER! Just because someone said you have the right not to be persecuted from the government for excersizing your free speech, does not mean in any way shape or form that you have the right to force me to accept you.

Tolerance means I tolerate you. It doesn't mean that I blindly accept you. I don't care if you were offended because I used the word "black" once, or that I'm white and seem to be well off. Why is it acceptable for people to make remarks about southerners all being retarded inbreds, and yet if anyone says anything remotely observant about the rampant crime in a certain ethnic community, or the spiraling rates of single parents, and you are instantly branded a racist. A perfect example of over-reacting to percieved racism would be the "Jenna Six". Even though it was a clear cut case of six kids beating the ever loving shit out of one kid, and yet, somehow it became a racial issue. Why? Because a completely unrelated event involving a noose happened a few days earlier.

The founding Fathers for all their follies, knew one thing, the constitution, for all its literally revolutionary aspects, was only as good as the people that are elected to enforce, and amend it. When a whole society starts to lose its base values, then said society is doomed, no matter how great its starting principles are. The sad fact is I truly believe that a sort of social anarchy is fast approaching. Be it from decreasing morals, or lack of interpersonal skills, or even lack of physical contact, the simple truth is that like a traveler in the woods we have lost our path.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Be careful what you wish for

yesterday I got called at 0900 by Sponny. Apparently my PCM wanted to see me earlier than my apointment on the 29th, but I never got the phone call. So I got an apointment at 1000. Well I showed up, and they seemed somewhat confused. They signed me in. And I didn't have that long to wait. As usual they got my vitals (BP was 146/80!!!) I decidded since it was probably my last time, I'd give the LPN my "lucky" 25th ID patch. She promptly put it on her wall.

It was one of the quickest visits to Doctor Repert I've ever had. I mean serously it seemed like everyone was in a rush to get me the hell out of there. I know that should have made me a little bit suspicious, but like a fool I just went along with it.

I went to see my squad leader and showed him the RTD memo, and all that jazz, and then I got really nervous when they called me cack at 1400. Then I knew I was in trouble. and just like that I was out of 2nd platoon and into the outprocessing platoon. It was so quick I didn't know what hit me. So to all I say this "be careful what you wish for you just might ger it."

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Please tell me this is a joke!

This is a link to a Washington Post Opion blog, that caught my attention while I was reading over at Black Five. I was absolutely SHOCKED that anyone would have said some of the things that he said. He insinuated that the US Army was a mercenary force, and that we should be greatful that we aren't getting bags of dog shit thrown in our faces when we return home. It kind of scares me when people criticize the war, because like I have said again and again it is only a short jump from hating the war to hating the troops

Truth is that this war, like Vietnam, is not being lost due to lack of effort. In fact in recent months it appears that we are actually winning. It can easily be said that there will always be dissent. There will always be someone playing devil's advocate. Even the vote for WWII wasn't unanimous. But to actually think that a self proclaimed former soldier would actually advocate any of the reactions from the Vietnam crowd absolutely blows my mind.

It's funny to me how the hippies said they'd make the world a better place by burning draft cards (and women burning bras) Smoking Pot, doing drugs, and listing to music, in between going to North Vietnam to tell Soldiers and Marines what assholes they were, and calling the parents of dead soldiers to say they were glad that their son was killed by the heroic "People's" Army of Vietnam, or whatever title they gave the NVA. Or telling a soldier's girlfriend to "fuck for peace" as if it was little more then exploiting them for sex.

This goes way beyond Jodis. It goes way beyond even the thought that the mission might be wrong, or that it was a bad idea to go to Iraq. This is actually a malignant movement. A cancer if you will. Not of the body, but of the society. We are bound by our actions, and in a society that places freedom of expression as one of its most sacred values, even when a man spews nothing but hateful bile we are honor bound to allow this person to say what he will. That, in a free market, he is given voice seems insane. I would think that people would boycott him just out of pure spite.

How, then, can this man actually belive that calling every soldier a baby killer, will acomplish anything. It is almost historical fact that everytime this country tries to seperate itself from its military the end result is rather akin to shooting one's self in the foot. Every major advance in the last century has come because of the military. Computers, Night Vision, plastics, tephlon, jet power, rockets, satalites, Nucleir power, the list goes on and on, not to mention modern medicine practically being invented on the battlefield. So I ask where does this arrogant prick come off saying that I of all people do not have the right to say people protesting the war is frustrating. Honestly if I take anything from this piece, it is that I am not alone in this frustration.

There is only a thin line between "Neo" Hippies, and the old F*** the Government Hippies we know and despise. Music may have been good, and hey the intentions may have started out good, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. We need to start thinking long and hard if the "Progressive" movement is really giving us progress or if they are leading us down a road that will shred the constitution, which is actually ironic because that just so happens to be what they claim to be trying to prevent.

I'm man enough to allow this man to continue using his 1st amendment rights. I'll just hold on to my "guns and religion" while I watch the world go to hell in a hand basket. As a soldier I am ready willing and able to do what others don't want to. I've fully accepted the responsibility for my actions, and, in peace time, my words. I know where both my actions and words may lead me. I just wish the rest of America would realize they have to do the same.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Good Idea, or really lame?

Anyone that reads this crappy blog, and actually has read it through and through knows that when it comes to women I just plain suck. I mean there's always someone that's worse off than me, like the guy with Dumbo Ears, thick BCGs (Birth Control Glasses) and an Adams Apple that somehow seems bigger than his chicken neck. Well that poor bastard that was aforementioned usually ends up with the self proclaimed "cutie pie" that is in all actuality nothing of the sort. It is really annoying to see that even the most clueless asshole end up doing quite well.

So instead of trying to meet girls in bars or hoping and absolutely praying that blind dates don't in fact leaving me wishing I were blind deaf, dumb and in all likely hood dead, I have decided that the internet is probably my best option. Now I run into a problem in my own mind. Well lets face it even in this day in age saying you met a girl on the net just sounds lame. Thats kind of like a mail order bride. No matter how its bill it just sounds kookoo pants.

But I got into it on my first tour in Iraq. I mean what had I to lose. And I actually "met" some pretty cool chicks. Some were awsome, but well as things always go I fucked it up. Well that and the whole "I'll probably die tomorrow so what have I got to lose" attitude, would be followed rapidly by "Oh shit did I (or she) actually say that?" Its been a persistant pattern. I am somehow this wonderful guy, while a chick is getting to know me. Hell even after the inevitable break-up wich always promises to be messy and nasty, I'm still a great guy. Great for advise and all the rest of the stuff that being"dependable" lands you. Did I mention I *hate* being dependable?

So After a myriad of interesting but ultimately one hit wonder sites (I met Lisa on Hot or Not, and for a few others) Katie (Our favorite Lab Tech, republican veteran chirstan) absolutly swore by eHarmony. Well I figgure she goes on about "Scottiepoo" in neasuating detail (sorry Katie but your googly-eyed talk is strait from Cosmo, which is enough to make any man feel inadequate)

Most of the times Its swing and a miss. Like this one girl Beth, pretty cool, in the coast Guard and in topika, not sure how that worked, but hey its all good. Well I really didn't mind the whole kid thing either, which is either a sign of maturity or desperation. Anyway long story short. There were no "sparks". Great to talk to interesting passing stories but that was about it. I kinda felt it was too bad.

For the most part I'm getting hit up by women that read way too much into the uniform, So Its kind of refressing that I can have mock arguments with Jessica. Its pretty funny, she's super into cheese. I guess its a Wisconsin thing. Well me being me, I provoked an argument over who has better cheese, California or Wisconsin. Well everybody know happy cows make better cheese. and frozen cows, well they aren't that great with the cheese making. Its nice to have those mock fights that aren't taken seriously. Its also kinda nice that I can talk about the war, and even though she tip toes a little on the subject she's honest and upfront about it.

Looking back, I tried too hard with Erika. Even though part of her probably wanted me to be the one the fact that I had so many issues drove her away, and the harder I tried (incidentally making me more frustrated) the worse it got. It's kinda like watching brand new Helo pilots at Ft Rucker. they always over compensate in the hover making them ge back and forth in a generalized U shape till the instructors correct it, and bring it back to a hover. Good news is that this, whatever it is is still kinda new. Haven't really broached anything too out there yet. Hopefully the drugs do their job and I'm not super crazy.

To Sleep Perchance to Dream

This weekend has been pretty awful. Its not just the whole money thing, it was also sleep. I couldn't really sleep at all. At one point I took 4 ambiens, not at once, but defiantly while I was feeling the effects of the first dose. Didn't put me to sleep but I did feel like I was drunk, and I remember being really horny. I can't tell you exactly what I did, seeing as I don't remember most of it, but I know for a fact that i borrowed porn from somewhere, and that's what was playing when I snapped out of it.

When I did sleep, it was filled with weird dreams, and well really bad ones too. The one I remember really well was one where i was surrounded by wounded, I was out of supplies and more and more people were calling for me, begging for my help. My hands were covered in blood, and in the end I was screaming like all the wounded around me. And then like Dak To, some jackass on my side drops a bomb on me and all the wounded disappear in a flash of fire. Its kind of hard to get to sleep with an image like that in your mind.

I would've talked to someone, but aside from Erika I really don't think anyone wants to listen to my crap. She's got her messenger on invisible or turned off which leads me to believe either she finally has gotten tired of my crap, she's got a new boyfriend and doesn't want to tell me or really talk to me (who wants to date someone with their ex hanging like a dark cloud) or she's simply lost service for some reason or another. Personally if the Facebook thingie is any indication I'm going with the new boyfriend theory. I won't lie it stings a little but right now I'm kind of like a 3rd degree burn patient. I've already felt a lot of pain so the parts that are extra crispy don't really feel pain because the nerves have burned away. The 2nd degree burns surrounding it hurt like hell though.

I've had too much time this weekend, mostly at night to think about things. There isn't an issue I didn't cover in my mind, and on the lecturn that doesn't exist I lectured no one in particular on the moral and ethical recourse of all sorts of issues. Abortion, War, Hippies, Environmentalism, rampant progressives, Rabid Feminists, relationships, Faith, and where I'll end up. Its too bad no one was there to listen. If you could edit things down, and keep me from jumping from topic to topic, it'd actually make for an interesting listen.

In the end it was simply me trying to avoid sleep. Its strange how you can want something so much and yet not want it at all. I suppose its the same way with relationships. So, just like when I was at Rusty, I'd wander at night. I'd go out and walk. I'd go out into the night alone, and hope that by walking I could somehow excise the demons perusing me. It never works like that. All my triumphs and failures are as clear to me now as they were the day they happened. Excluding a lot of my childhood, I am able almost with perfect clarity to reachback to important moments, and live them again. Hanging out with Erika, seeing Andrea, the CSH in Baghdad, FOB Warrior, hell even getting baptized at basic, and the moment the chaplin had talked about, when I realized that I could do it.

so I walked, and when I could drove. I drove by Coyotes, and saw all the people out drinking. I had enough time to go in for the table dance, but without Gary and Tracy dragging my sorry ass along it just didn't have the appeal. I don't think I'll ever really be a part of the life I've tried so hard to defend.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Broke Broke Broke

So Hermans weddind did more dammage to my wallet than I thought. It wasn't just the driving (by the way I got raped at the pump) it was the Suit, the Shoes, and of course there were a lot of things that I had to do. Add to that there was also country stampede, there was also Sundown Salute, and there might have been one or two impusle buys. How I spent the money really isn't important. Its what I do about it.

First off I've never been the type to squeeze every penny. I don't belive that money, or wealth of any kind really should be hoarded too zealously. Its always good to have some in reserve, but if you keep saving for some distant future to finally cut loose, you'll find you had no fun along the way. An Ironic statement seeing as poor people spend a lot of time worrying about where they'll get money.

Truth is even though I really want to go out and have fun tonight, and do all the things stupid 24 year olds do, I can't go out and drink, or really go anywhere (Happens when you drives a gas guzzler) its ok. I don't really care. There aren't many places I really want to go right now. There are a lot of things I'd *like* to do, but hey its not really anything I can do about it. I'm not really stressing about it. In fact stangely I don't really care.

Money, its so strange. you don't really notice it till you need it, then you don't have it. You can either stress about it and drive yourself to an early grave, or you can just learn to take it easy. Either way, its like the Beatles said. "I don't care much for money, money can't buy me love"

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Hospital food=poison?

if there is one universal truth that I have learned in my time in the healthcare buisness, it is this: no matter what hospital you go to, or who flipps the bill, the food will be awful!!! Irwin Army Comunity Hospital (IACH) and when I was there Carl R. Darnell Army Medical Center (CRDAMC formerly Darnell Army Comunity Hospital or DACH) were no exceptions. The DACH DFAC (Dinning FACility) was not the best on post in fact if Ihad a choice (which working the night shift I often didn't) I'd go to Raider DFAC, or one of the many other ones on post.

Now because of gas and monitary concerns, I'm eating strictly out of the DFAC and not driving anywhere, so Devil's Den (1st Bde's DFAC, and as far as I know the only one runing on Custer Hill) is out of the question. That leaves the uber crappy IACH DFAC. I don't care what they serve, the main line (the "good food") looks like something you just shat out. Even the short order (fast food) looks, and tastes, like K-rats.

I can only imagine what the poor patients feel, the poor bastards that have no choice in their diet. They kind of have to eat whatever is put in front of them. No matter how I try to hide the flavor of the food I get, either by smothering it with condements, or holding my nose and washing it down with water or soda as quick as possible, there is no way to hide the fact that the food tastes a little off. Which probably explains why I've been feeling so crappy lately.

Mud Butt, Bubble Guts, and POMA (Pissin' Out My Ass) aside my stomach HURTS!!! I suppose I should have figgured this would happen but lets face it, there is little a poor broke soldier can do but bitch and moan, and hope the Imodium he got from sick call works. I already know from the pain in my gut, and the way I've had to go to the toilet ever half hour, that tonight is not going to be fun. I've had Acute GastroEnteritis (AGE) far too many times. Now the cause is almost always food in some way shape or form. so I want to thank the IACH DFAC from the bottom of my severely swelling intestins for the night of FUN i'm about to have. WAY TO GO TEAM!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Slow Process

There is little that annoys me more than beurocracy the military medical system *can* be the best in the world when it really matters. When it doesn't, it can be the worst in the world. I hate waiting weeks between appointments which really boil down to "Hi I'm here". It is frusterating to no end that I am forced to wait and wait. Meanwhile I feel like a stranger and a spectator in my own life. I don't know what is worse, the waiting or the feeling that I'm stuck in pugatory.

Its almost a tragic irony that my last and next psyche apointments fall on theaniversery of Craig and Harrelsons death. These dates have (of course) special meaning for me, and on those days I don't want to think, I don't even want to acknowlege what day it is. Meanwhile I sit in my room, a prisoner because of my nocturnal sleep cycle, and the feeling that I just don't know anyone. I sit and watch the world, and hope and pray it somehow converges to my veiws, but the more time goes on, and the more time i spin in circles in my own head, the worse my perception of the world gets.

I feel like that crazy feminist that sat in her house for a number of years. Strange as it may seem I am starting to empathize with her, except for the whole feminism thing. It's funny but the more I see people (intentionally or otherwise) brow beating men and especially whites, it makes me ask so what if I'm a white guy? And the longer i perceive it to go on, the more i want to go out there and stretch the boundries. Ok so I'll never stand with the KKK, I actually despise them, but why can't I have an NAWP (National Ascoiation of White People) and why do women get so many freaking gyms catoring just to them, but the ones I go to cator to both sexes. Why can't the YMCA stay soley male? You've got the YWCA. Its the same with shoe stores. You'll see it in a mall. A foot Locker (ot other anagolus shooe store) will have 50-60% female shoes and not evenon the otherside of the mall is a 100% shoe store of the same name. JCPenny is far worse. I feel like some kind of freak when I go there because that store is almost 90% female.

You can see how this purgatory has affected me. Once I get started on an issue, I can't really stop. It is so frusterating, and I've just stopped caring about just about everything. I could practically not even be on Riley and I have a sad suspicion that no one would notice. God forbid I should have an accidental OD or any crap like that, I'd be fucked, and no one would know it till I started to decomposed.

I suppose the feeling of being usless, and the feeling that people just don't care, goes hand in hand. I'm the proverbial 5th wheel in every situation I get into. I don't seem to belong anywhere and its worse the longer I say in the WTB. I wonder, would anyone really notice if I dropped off the grid. Erika might, but i son't think she'd get frantic, unless I ended up in the papers, and even then I'm not so sure. Its a sad comentary when you can count on a single hand the number of people that might actually notice you're missing.

And so as this process slowwly draggs towards its conclusion, and I find that I am less and less entheused about the conclusion the process and the present, it begs the question, How much longer can this last? Its a question I don't have an answer to. A question that I really don't want to find out anymore.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy 4th

on July 4th 1776, The Founding Fathers signed a document that outlined the principles for which this nation would be founded. While today we may take for granted this document, and the constitution which followed it, at the time, it was a landmark document. Yet the rest of that year almost ensured that it was only a foot note. It could easily be said that the latter part of 1776 was some of the darkest times for the revolution.

Despite what hippies, Libtards, and so called "progressives" might have you think, this country and its military go hand in hand. While this has not always been a good thing as with the paranoia durring the 50's and 60's when America abandons it's military, the result is social chaos. The military as a whole is a stabalizing factor. Many of the folks that would have ended up in jail or worse, often go on to not only be productive but leaders of their comunities. The Army came first, as well as the Navy and Marine Corps. 1775 whas when these three services began their existance, and it is clear that every major expansion in our society has either been made possible, or been because of the military.

For example the industrial boom at the turn of the century in 1900 was made possible by the massive industrial efforts laid down durring the Civil War. The westard expansion would not have been possible with out US Cavalry guarding the major trails, and many of the inventions we know and depend on today came because of military aplications. Teflon, Plastics, GPS, Cell Phones, the helicopter, Rockets, satalites, the list goes on and on. Truth is that America will never be able to completly divorce itself from its armed forces.

On this day a lot is spoken of the sacrafices made to ensure that this country continues to exist. Indeed sacrafice seems to be what makes America so great. From the words of MG Durbin at the Kansas Vietnam memorail, he made it clear that people will forget in time what was said. Even recorded words and things that people try to preserve for posterity, will eventually with time fade. What lasts far longer is our actions. So while people can say any number of things, like one liberal blogger saying Patriotism is a bad thing (akin no less to religion being the #1 killer of people) ot the vet that says with out it this country is doomed. What you say doesn't really matter. Like whispering in the wind, your words will fade away. What matters is how you move foward. Do you take what is given to you and (through no fault of your own of course) destroy it for your own selfish means? Or do you cherish it, like a newborn child, and pass it off to the next genaration as such for them to trust and care for? The choice is yours. Why don't you do something about it?