It hurts to know trhat in some small way the lives lost here might well have been wasted. Gaurding a gas station for several hours strait while people act like idiots can certainly feel that way. Also having the BC called "killer K" well that adds a load of confidance. but in the end you can only look to your platoon for answers and peace of mind.
Comming in for refit feels good, especially with the prospect of no expectations or missions for the next couple of days. But of course that won't last forever. Eventually you have to "get your shit on" and roll out for more pointless missions. It doesn't help to know the facts, the simple truth is that in my sector at least what is politically prudent has replaced what is tactically or reasnonably prudent. oh hell
The truth is, depite the trouble i always find myself in at the hospital, it is always a relife to come back to rusty. I can get away, and i often do. Though roaming the FOB may seem to some like a lonely mans way of passing the time, it's actually a great way to blow off steam. of course, as i always do, i keep a running monolouge. All the things I'd LIKE to say, and never will. All the Angst and frustration said aloud, but ultimatly drowned out by the droning sound of the generators that never turn off.
Talking on the internet is also important. It is not that i don't get it out at the COP, but having a bunch of dudes breathing over your shoulder can put a damper on any conversation, intamte or otherwise. Alos it's nice to find out what's going on in the world, and even better, it's noce to see all those sites that were blocked by the web monitors. To those prudes reading this yes i am talkign about PORN! i'm a soldier not a saint.
Finally, it's noce to have no need to report in. You can come and go as you please. the whole battle buddy thing was way over rated. If you got hurt by a mortar attack, chances are your battle buddy got hurt to. beside your CoC will find out soon enough anyway.
It's not much but any chance to get peace of mind is a Godsend in this hell hole.