Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Emotions

Emotions are so easy for women. They used to be for me too. I suppose it was easy to feel when nothing was on the line. But somewhere along the wayI don't know when, I swallowed all my feelings and became a man of action. I don't actually say "I love you" aloud anymore. And I do not say any number of a hundred things women expect me to say. Why you ask? Why can't you feel something?

Because, ladies, it hurts. Lets face it, its real easy to preach from the pulpet of the Moral High Ground. You can sit there and spout off how this and that makes you feel, and you can say this is what you should, and should not do. But down in the mud its not that easy. That's why (Cathloc) Preists and nuns are celebate (or are supposed to be). People need someone that is above the problem for guidance. But when you're at the same level giving a speach about feelings just won't cut it.

I know I should feel more. Truth is aside from some baisic physical things I think I've really lost the ability to feel anything more than the most baisic emotions. Why? Hmmm lets see jumping into the back of an open bead humvee to see one man with evicerated bowel, and the other with an open Tib/Fib fracture. Or maybe actually contemplating cold blooded murder after treating soldiers for 8 hours. All requiring constant attention and morphine. Or maybe seein a 19 year old missing his face. Or maybe taking three hours to extracate two soldiers only to find the third was dead before you got on scene. and that was just my first tour.

That doesn't even cover the ER, stalker chick, Jen, Lisa, and oh yes my last deployment, Rear D, and the whole Girlfriend pinball game. Lets face it even the most emotice and sappy woman would be burnt out. Yet, somehow I'm still expected to fit into a woman's neat little box of what a man should be. Here's a thought, instead of always reading glamor YM gossip rags etc, why don't you read something about men BY men. I can not laugh enough at those headlines you see in the magazines at the check out stand. "how to make him beg for more" or "get him in touch with his emotions" Please. If you really wanted guys to actlike women then they'd all be GAY!

I keep thinking of that country song "I'm still a guy" Yea i may make you cry, hold your hand but don't expect me to get manicures, I won't use moisturizers on my hands, and I'm proud of the callouses on my hand. Lets me know I've done something. I'll listen to your problems, and I'll even help you with them, but in the end I'll probably laugh about how you're making a big deal out of something little.

I don't go to movies with pink in the title (the SOLE exception is the pink panther) or Pink on the bilboard (Sex in the city? that's what they show to GTMO prisoners to get them to talk Of course the ACLU forced them to stop, because it was *obviously* tourture) If it even remotely has a chick flick feel to it, I'm out. Women: you know why you feel so lousy when your guy doesn't act like the guys in the movies? because those movies are written BY WOMEN!!! If a guy actually acts like the guys in romance movies, chances are you'd leave him for being too much of a wussy ass (see Bedazzled).

maybe I should show my emotions more, but I'm through wearing my heart on a sleave. I've shed far too much blood sweat and tears to go for all the emotional crap that women seem to want me to spout. I am burnt out on high emotion. I'm not going to fight to keep a woman anymore. Nor am I going to cry over the loss. You want to be with me that's fine, you don't? nothing's stopping you. I'm so sick of the games.

1 comment:

Myr said...

I know where you're coming from, in terms of relationships I mean. (I haven't been on a tour yet so there's much I wont understand until then.)But I have been in relationships where the guy expected me to be something I am not, so I know the feeling, and that's how I learned to put myself first.
What I'm about to say, I hope you don't see as if I were trying to lecture you or take a moral high ground, it's just words from me to you...
You're right, some women are emotional messes and want their men to fit with the movie characters, but others don't. I bet it's hard for you to meet various types of women since your in the military, but don't for one second think the types of women you see around the base or the civilian streets, represent all women. There are 'normal' ones out there that will respect you for who you are. A woman that RESPECTS you will not expect you to change in the least, and would prefer to understand you then to lecture you about this or that.
Distance yourself from the women that don't respect you and prefer to play games. Don't give them a second thought, because to be honest, they don't deserve it.
I really hope you find the right type of girl. I mean that.