Tuesday, May 15, 2012

"I'm In love with a stripper"

If you served a day in the Military you've probably had an E-fuzzy, or an E-2 that just got out of Basic and AIT and has not an ounce of common experience.  They're probably anywhere from 17-19 and this is the first time on their own making their own decisions, and holy cow look at how much money they have in the bank after BCT!  They can now go anywhere, do anything and have the means to do it! 

Where do you think these young men end up.  The Mall?  The local college?  The Car dealership?  The Grocery Store?  Nope none of those.  They end up at the nearest (and usually skankiest) tiddy bar.  Yes this wallflower was too awkward in high school to see too many breasts, and here they are quite literally in your face!  This poor kid is probably bought a lap dance by the more experienced E-4's or maybe a SGT from the Repo Depot.  They're getting a kick out of the sheer terror he displays as the woman (and more often than not, the skankiest they could find) leads him to the back room, or a booth, and proceed to give a lap dance.  They'll cheer and drink and laugh and meanwhile the poor private is experiencing more than any spin the bottle fantasies he had previously entertained. 

He'll come out looking dazed.  Probably stumble into another stripper, and that glazed over look on his face should have made his buddies stop and seriously rethink the coming night, but by this point they're too drunk to care.  They don't notice his repeated trips to the ATM or his trips to the back room.  Its not until the night is over and they've had their fill of Beer Whiskey, shitty food and boobs, that they start to notice that young private is missing.  He's in the back talking to that stripper.

They collect him, and go back to Replacement to sleep off the night.  The next day this kid will not shut up about last night.  The poor Specialists, and Sergeants are nursing a hangover, and this dude didn't drink a drop!  When the evening finally comes, they are hanging out, they talk about going out but if they have any sense they don't go out too much until their cars get here, or they know someone to be a DD, but here's this kids saying "hey we should go to [insert tiddy bar here]."  He looks a bit let down when the guys he went with say "nah lets just go to a bar".  He tries, almost desperately to convince them to go back.  When he fails to get them to go he goes on his own, eating the Taxi fare himself.  You and your buddies go to the bar, have a fun night, and hey you might actually score with a local, but chances are you're just out to have a good time. 

Meanwhile that dumbass went to the tiddy bar and blew up to $200 dollars on one stripper, who does nothing to disuse him of this dumbassery.  He comes back his buddies from the first night all stagger back and our young Private will do one of three things.  He will either A). Not shut up.  About this Girl he was with all night (trying to leave out the fact that it was the stripper from the night before.  B).  Have his head in the clouds and hardly speak about the night or C). will be butt hurt that his buddies didn't go with him, and tell them only as much a courtesy demands.   Doesn't matter what he does at some point it will become painfully obvious that he has his head up his fourth point of contact, and he will not listen when you try to warn him off. 

This is usually  where the story ends for most folks.  You go to your separate units and probably never see each other again.  However every once in a while you do go to the same unit as he does.  You try to do the right thing, and warn him of the dangers of getting too wrapped up in this chick, but at some point he exasperatedly exclaims "but I love her".  He will go buy her gifts, and spend every second he can with her while at work.  At this point the only thing you can really do for him is prevent him from spending TOO much money.  Getting his chain of command involved here is a must.  At some point *hopefully* you'll catch him before he marries her, or tries to. 

I know you want to save this troop, but unfortunately you have to learn the hard way, that marrying strippers is not going to work.  Short of finding a woman that will have sex with him, this is a train wreck that you just cant stop.  Just remember that at one point you were there too. 

1 comment:

jericho77 said...

What a great read!
Poppa was a Marine who Boot Camped & Retired at the famous Paris Island Recruitment Camp in Beaufort S.C. Though I didn't serve myself, I did spend 18 of my years raised on Bases and Camps and another 20 working around all branches of our Armed Forces installing Security Systems. This reminded me of similar stories and even a few shared as we spent many hours together getting drunk and ragging the youngsters just as you described here. Thank You, had a good laugh before bedding down :9-)