Friday, November 24, 2006

Distant Shores

I look to the horizon. the future. I feel like an explorer of old, deep in uncharted waters. My future is my own, and without the gift of prescience, I can not tell what is ahead. Like Christopher Columbus, i have a destination in mind. A place i want to be. A time i want to be. The truth is, that i have not uttered a word to Cassie since Lisa left, and i find that no matter where my path takes me i want to have time with Lisa. A moment, a month, a year.

I am not Cassinova, or Rico Swavee. I'm just Michael (actually I like Michael a lot cuz he's the angel that kicked lucifer's ass out of heaven). I often worry that I'll screw it up. This my mind, often my greatest asset (see trauma) becomes my worst enemy. My confidance goes to zilch, and i seccond guess myself. Thus, untill I "warm up" I have the apperance of being awfully shy. Of course my myriad fo terrible encounters, and getting cheated on more times than player at a vegas casino, tend to leave me feeling high and dry.

I find it odd. I can write poetry that makes women swoon, and believe me sometimes I do that on purpose. I let them find it. i let them see it. it's sneakey, almost never works, but hey, it does work. lol. i can express so many beautiful things when i write poetry but come time for talking, or showing it, and i suck. I did have a little day dream last night. I thoguht about lisa, but what i thought (because she reads this blog) will remain my little secret.

Somewhere, on distant shores, lies lisa, waiting for me (i hope) and somehow that makes me feel better. Like no matter what i do, she'll understand. I guess because i accepted her, she accepts me. Some day i'll make sense of it all, but for right now i'm going to sleep

No comments: