I can not help a certain amount of entheuasiam in the future. Soon i will see Lisa, i will no longer be asigned to CRDAMC, and something New comes. I will be in a real unit again, i will be with soldiers again, and maybe I will find what I am looking for. Ultimatly Warr is upon me again. I feel the trepidation i felt before.
CNN is not even close to accureate, but it does give a genral (if negative) picture. What i know is that soldiers aren't the targets as much any more. It is a fight between iraqis. Often soldiers get caught in the middle. It is a Blood Bath. It is a war. And thus I have the fight I joined for.
I called up to Ft Riley. They told me there was a high likelyhood i'd end um in the avaition brigade, and may not deploy until later next year. It's crap like that that pisses me off. DA would only give me Ft Riley, and now Ft Riley's units are deploying and i'll arrive too late to actually be apart of the train up. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!!! I am really starting to get sick of the army not having a clue what it's doing with me and giving me inaccurate information. All i can do is pray i NEVER end up in a MEDDAC/MEDCEN EVER again.
I still have to play the part of the dutiful soldier. I have not told mom and dad that i have reenlisted, and i have not told them the lengths i've been going to to deploy. It's almost like God is keeping me out of the fight. Be that as it may, i am going to try to go with the line anyway. I feel that it is my duty to try (however hardly) to be the line medic i joined to be. It feels like the last 4 years (almost) would have been a waste if not for that.
Where does this leave lisa and myself? Seeing as the Army is deep in a war, and everyone can expect to get deployed multiple times, it is hard to see the future. Especially as these are combat deployments. I don't want Lisa to get hurt, but at the same time, I am not impurvious to injury. it makes me wonder. will people abandon me if i am injured. If i am a horrible figgure will people scorn my existance?
The future is unknown. If it were i suppose life would be incredibly boring. But ultimatly one must face the future with their head held high. Grip tightly their wepons, and sheilds and charge into the fray. Like King Leonidas, marching to certain doom at Thermopylae, the differance is how you face the fight. Do you face it like a mouse and try to hide, or like a lion, and roar to let everyone know of your passing through this world?