I've finally made peace with the things i've felt about lisa. My anger is gone. I realize now (by making a few mistakes of my own) that she was human and she needed some companionship. It took making a mistake, a type I'd never once even considdered before to realize just how human she is. In that moment i understood, and though it does not erase the sence that it was wrong, i felt so much sympathy for her. I can only imagine what she felt. fear self loathing.
How strange it is that it takes the advent of christmas and a LONG talk with a preist for me to get it. Joe (aka blade runner) was right you have to chose the path of forgiveness. It's slow going, but I have finally forgiven her. I've made peace with what happened. It is hard to think about still, but it is getting easier. I guess it simply wasn't ment to be.
Joe had told me a lot of things. things i needed a friend to say. In the end i morned for this relationship like i did for a lost soldier. I went through each stage of greif eventually stopping on anger. Perhaps it is kind of like a death. it certainly felt like one. Here's what i have to say. You have to learn to live with who and what you are. You have to tell people what and how you feel. If you hold your tounge you will lose