Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The slow road to sanity

I (finally) got sent to ADATC (Alcohol and Drug Abuse Training/Counciling) and it was informative, in a way. Most of the actual information i'd already knew, both first hand and from the books, and OJT. I was angry i got sent there, and tried to keep participation to a min, but you can't sit somewhere from 0900-1600 and not get involved a litttle. But at the end of the day, yes, some of the words rang true, but not for the reasons you might think

I am NOT by any stretch of the imagination an alcoholic. I do NOT abuse or even USE drugs, BUT, there is something that they said that made sence. I am LIKE and alcoholic in how the War has affected me. The opperative analogy is imagining jugling baloons, now throw in this big black beach ball that has in gold letters "War" on it. It is the one that you absolutly CAN NOT drop. In the end you start droping other balloons and letting them pop to keep this bastard aloft. "Future", "Family", "Love". I've let go of them all and now all there is left it seems is this terrible bastard of a ball.

I can already feel it. I met up with (Joe) Jacinko, in the bar. We hung, and spoke of times past, and talked about his up comming deployment with 3rd BDE. I felt it then, and it hasn't left me since. the old restlessness. the need to sinch up my pack and get ready for the fight. The inability to let go of the fight. Ready to go sir, let me at em. I realized in the class today that I couldn't let go. That there would be no end. I used to be scared, but now i am resigned to Fate. One quote that applies to me now and forever

"only the dead have seen an end to war."

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