10 Years After War

Oh my friends. 10 years gone now,

Burned in the bloom of age,

I will carry on your memory, this is my vow,

No matter how it saddens or fills me with rage.

We lived as few will know,

But those left have scars they do not show,

What would you say if you were still here,

I don't know, and I fear.

Now I grow old and grey, 

You would not recognize me any more, 

There's so much we wouldn't need to say,

Between old soldiers that have been to war.

I raise a glass to you fallen friend,

I toast you as you were in distant memory,

No matter what my life's trajectory,

I shall hold onto you. Until the end.

Better Men Than I

Let me tell you about a man that died in June,
Too young to die, with a life not yet lived,
I tried to help, but could not be revived,
Just like that he was gone. Far too soon.

I close my eyes and I am there,
Stay with me. Hold on. Don't Give up.
But each breath poured him more to Death's cup,
I'm still here. Why? This isn't fair.

Let me tell you of a man who died in July.
He smiled and laughed as young always do,
A life planned, that he'll never go through,
Oh my friend, 19 years old is too young to die.

It was a bomb that blew his truck sky high.
Some said he was dead before it landed,
Others say she screamed as it burned. Awful images are branded,
Why not me? Why you? Why?

Let me tell you of a man that killed himself in May,
He was full of wit and sarcastic remarks, 
A battle buddy for any day, 
Without bitterness or its marks.

He had a new baby and a fiancé,
but wars stark image filled his brain, 
He must of felt it was too painful to remain,
How do I respond? What am I supposed to say?

These were better men than I,
Yet they are gone and I am here still,
I can not understand just why.
Is it worth? I have nil. 

Better men have gone before me, and go even now,
I want to make it right, but I don't know how,
There's a question I have to ask, but I fear,
Why am I still here?

Vulnerability

Don't judge when you see my shoulders sag,
You don't know the weight I carry,
I have trouble opening that bag,
Share my burden? Nothing could be more scary.

There are many things I hide,
I don't know what you'll say if you see, 
The things that have wounded and shape me,
Do you think it's easy to confide?

I try to be strong,
But this trial is so long, 
I wish this pain would cease, 
So I could know some peace.

I let my jokes hide my sorrow, 
It's better if you think me witty, 
If I'm honest it's hard to maintain,
Because most of the time I just want to cry. 

Sometimes I only continue hoping for a better tomorrow, 
It keeps my going even when I'm feeing shitty, 
Please excuse this lamentable refrain,
Let me go on with this burden, It's better you not pry. 

I tried to show my pain to another, 
But they left me so now I deal with it 
alone, even when I want nothing more than to quit,
Sorry to be a bother.

Please don't ask me to show you my hurt, 
I couldn't see pity in your eyes, 
That would make me feel lower than dirt,
Please let me tell you "I'm fine" and other lies.

A friend suggested the title after I'd texted her the first stanza. It's been a long time since I've seriously done any kind of poetry and after the last few days, especially after I decided to put up my last post I've been feeling open, raw. I hoe you like this. 

Rage

The fields were beautiful as any the eye had seen,
The meadows full in bloom always,
Always in full long summer days
It was a land so full of green.
The mountains were snow capped, and grand,
The streams were calm and brooks babbling ever fore,
The waterfalls were a sight to shame lore,
Capped with beaches with glistening sand.
Twas said if any laid eyes upon these grounds,
Tears would not be enough,
Through this nameless land, not one inch rough
The birds, streams and waves the only sounds.
Nay na’er but these eyes have seen these views.
If ever a place more peaceful, I have not seen it,
I spent many a day there, in a land where all was fit,
Untouched by scorn, bias or news.
But the distant drum beat called me to fight,
I left thinking to return,
But soon did I yearn,
Would I return to life, and right
Many bloody adventures did I enjoy,
My armor drenched with friend and foe,
Bringing swift justice wherever I would go,
A hunter I became, my pray but a toy.
Time came for my service to end,
And I left to return to my land,
Where the views are grand,
Where I could mend.
Across the seas I traveled followed
By some tempest that never seemed to strike,
But I was not worried I had my pike,
And I was leaving lands hallowed.

I set foot upon the Land at last,
Ageless and timeless still,
Unbent by any will,
I took a deep breathe of clean air at last.
The tempest stalking as ever grew,
But I could not care, it was far,
I could not care, even if it was like a scar
Some distant trouble I knew
But as the days passed it grew near,
Lashing the meadows with fierce winds,
Felling trees with thunder like a cannon,
A howl was all I could hear.
The skies grew dark, a great churning menace,
The air grew thick with debris and stinging rain,
Trees collapsed and fell from the strain,
And still the roar grew louder.
I drew away, towards the mountain,
But the tempest was already there,
To my horror the peak erupted,
Casting an awful orange glare.
The tempest followed my flight,
All the while destruction filled my sight,
The Maelstrom filled the air with stringing clods,
Whole Forests ripped free to fly through the air,
All the while I heard the Howl,
A voice on the win like some evil predator,
Stalking me ready to pounce and end it’s evil prowl
I heard it call to me, from the mount.
I turned toward to the peak,
My arms stinging and torn, filled with cuts too many to count,
There the Tempest sat on the mount like a throne,
Hot molten flying into its core to fuel it’s furry.
I raised a fist and bellowed a shout,
No, my land would not die like this,
I turned to the peak murder in my eyes,
Ready to fight this monster bout for bout.
Each step was a battle, the winds blasting me to my knees,
It grew, consuming everything, making my vision blurry,
Closer I got, the howl was everywhere deafening,
I approached the lip, and then all was still.
I dared not look back, the land was ravaged,
But as I drew near, fear bit at me,
For even though it was hot as Hades,
A cold chill filled my soul, nearly breaking my will.
There at the summit the air was still,
A great cyclone of molten filled the sky,
drawn up to feed the cry,
An in human scream, that shook the ground.
Fear quaked my soul, the fires lashed my body,
On my knees I fell, powerless before the tempest,
But out of fear came anger, I drew strength,
And reared up as rage filling my whole length.
Into the tempest I gave one loud roar,
A challenge, as I bore my chest arms wide,
Come forth and face my might,
To be cast out like a cheap whore.
No words left my lips yet the fire moved near,
Hell’s hot breath upon my face,
The flames made a shape, that gave me pause,
Then, slowly turned to fear.
Twas my own face twisted in cruel hate,
Through the land mocking laughter could be heard,
Laughing at the small and absurd,
Gleaming eyes looked down upon me with irony.
I sank to my knees and wept, for there was only defeat,
The wind whispered in a mocking voice,
“Isn’t this what you wanted?”
I tried to deny, but I was beat.
The face grew with it’s win,
“this is what you are”
And I wept for my great sin,
Realizing I had fallen far.
I closed my eyes and wept bitter tears,
Unable to look at the face anymore,
Oh how I wept on the mount,
For hours, days maybe years,
When at last I opened my eyes, the tempest had gone,
And as I looked down on the mute scene,
All was black grey, not one blade of green,
Earth was all scorched, and only a husk was left.
Smoke still raised from once pristine forests,
The beautiful beaches, now wrecked with debris,
And the air, once so clean was now choked with sulfur and ash,
Making it impossible to breathe.
I went out into the land my rage had created,
Destroyed by my anger’s hot blast,
And amidst the desolation, at last,
I found Peace.

a soldier says goodbye

My love,

Don't cry for me, i did what i had to,
Remeber all the good times we had,
and smile for me, no matter what you do.

so tuck the kids in bedand kiss them goodnight,
Tell them not to be sad,
and kiss them when they sleep tight.

In closing I love you so much,
and not seeing you before i die hurts so,
but you can feel me on the wind's gentle touch

Soldier

I am so tired of being here,
In this land hof hatred and fear.
I am so weary of this strife,
i just want to live a normal life.
Some men have a home,
but i am left alone.
Bound to this endless fight,
Always stalking in the night.
I wish i could leave,
i wish i had some reprive.
They say your safer now?
how much death can you allow.
I see the horrors of man,in korea iraq and iran.

Will you welcome me back?
stretch out your arms in friendship?
or will you cast me down as those before?
Treat us like some cheap whore?
What insult will your tounge let slip?
killer, murderer, or simple hack?

Do you care what i have done for you?
When i was one of the proud few?
Or will you scron me forever more,
until i am stripped down to the core?
my brothers, we who shed blood,
shall stand together, through the wind, cold and mud,
that you may never know these pains,
even as you curse us in your refrains.

I am a soldier, i will be forever,
i will strive to end all war,
that peace will last forever more,
I will not quit, not now, not ever

Under One roof

Once they lived under one roof.
Once they lived together for truth.

Once long ago one was cast out,
never to be the same allthoughout.

What now is left to them but hate,
the sons of Abraham all so great.

Locked in spinning wheel of retrabution,
fighting eachother unto destatution.

All still under God's roof,
All still seeking God's truth.

how did we come this, we brothers?
Trying to kill all others.

the day will come when we are together again,
won't we alll be so happy then?

But for now we must spill our blood,
and try to stem the suicidal flood.

What happened to our father, that he let this be?
what reasons are ther for this hate?

i can't see.Am i to fall to by brother's hand?
or will together we stand?

Fighting Fear

I wrote this durring my first tour


I feel it every day,
I go outside, and cock my weapon,
I hear the Chk Chk, and the fear comes

My thumb rests on the selector switch,
my finger above the trigger well.
then you know this is real.

It's so easy it's scary,
and every odd thing is suspect,
every rock and peice of trash.

My heart pounds, like a wardrum,
waiting for the blast,
waiting for the crack of gunfire.

Some times the fear is low and you relax a little,
sometimes you are scared stiff,
and sometimes, you brace for death

This is my world now. But i chose this life.
I have no family no wife,
I do it so that those that do are safe.

I watched helpless on 9/11
I never felt so powerless.
i never want to feel that way again

so here i am taking the fight to them
And here i am, here i stay
till the job is done, or i am dead

I will do what i have to so you can breathe easy,
I will be here till you are safe.
so sleep well tonight, for i am out there.

For those thinking of loved ones

I wrote this for a guy that was having an anniversery or something. sure did the trick i think cuz he found out a month after he got back from mid tour that his wife got pregnet (again) wonder if there's a kid somewhere named after me. Scary thought

My Jewel

There was a time when I was young
There was a time when I was free,
And there were many songs to be sung.

This world was cruel,
I had been crushed, and left for dead,
But then I found my jewel.

Some said it was awful, and obscene,
Some said it was wrong and dirty,
But i saw it for what it was; I saw its sheen.

This was not any ordinary thing,
This was a precious love beyond all reason,
And for the first time in a while I had to sing.

How could my jewel not make me happy?
All around might laugh at me,
Call me stupid and sappy.

But I do not care a lick
For my jewel is all I need,
It cured me when I was heartsick.

You ask what could be so precious in life?
Well I’ll tell you, you see,
It's the heart of my loving wife.



and by the way that is the ONLY time i will ever post in PINK!!!

a little inspiration.

For all thost that are having a hard time take this nifty little poem i wrote in highschool (and was subsequently ripped off by POETRY.COM!!!) Enjoy


Don't QuitWhen things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low, and debts are high
and you want to smile, but have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must but don't quit.

Life is queer with it's twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a Failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
it may be near when it seems far;
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse,
that you must not quit.

Poetry

Poetry is my way of expressing my deepest hurt, joy or even just wonder. true, i often blur the lines, and throw romantic views around like they are candy. Still Poetry is the way i like to cope with my world. I like to hear people comment on my poetry. Of course i've never really had the heart to tell someone else they suck, for my hearing someone say, "wow. . ." it is something special. Though adoration often puts me ill at ease, i do enjoy it when people say i have touched them.

Since Iraq, however, my poetry has taken a dour mood. often forlorn, often expressing lack of hope. Some of the things i wrote in Iraq were expressing, to a nonexistant lover, the need to be saved from myself. it was how i coped with the night the rocket hit the pods. The screaming, the blood. I tried not to let it phase me, but the images, like a terrible broken reccord replayed. my therapy, writting poetry, helped clear that.

I suppose it's also important to mention the treatment of the EPW that night. Or, rather lack thereof. I walked into that bunker and saw him. The most powerful, bitter hatred swept over me. BLEED. One word, and yet, at that moment it was the onlyone that could have applied. I wanted him to bleed for my soldiers. I looked at him and i wanted to kill him. If his gaurds had not been there i would have killed him. I would have beat him to an inch of his life, and then ended it. Such hatred is something that has left it's mark on me. For the first time in my life i wasn't witness to evil, i became evil. and that is something i can never forget.

However on with the show. Enjoy this poem i wrote in Iraq, entitled "Save me"

Save Me

I think of your head hitting a soft pillow,
I imagine so many things of you.
Your smell, your walk, all the things you do,
I dream of a first kiss under a willow.

But the moans bring me back to the now,
The blood is everywhere,
Most people would be so horrified they’d stare,
I want to go to you but I don't know how.

They keep coming, screaming,
They keep bleeding,
With wounds too grotesque for reading,
My only respite is when I’m dreaming.

I dream of you and your soft face,
I dream of your soft smile,
Hoping and praying all the while,
That you'll be there when I leave this place.

How can I tell you about this?
I pray you'll hold me when the nightmares come,
Easing my anguish until I am numb,
To find salvation in your sweet kiss.

The booms fill the air, night and day.
I’m so tired I can barely move.
I feel jagged where once I was smooth,
How can people live this way?

I love you more than words can tell,
I wish I could be there now,
But I am in this place and I don't see how,
Please, my love, save me from this hell.