It is so easy to let bitterness get to you. In the beginning you ignore it, after all, you don't want people to know that they got to you. After a while, the small things start to get to you, and then things REALLY get to you. In the end you're left with this hallow feeling. Even joy is temporary, and the memory of joy becomes that much fuel for your bitterness.
It is a viscious cycle that i find myself trapped in now. Ex-girlfirneds, friends, and even aquaintances have become fuel for this nasty downward spiral. I find myself ascociating with people that i never would have before, people i would have despised, that is, if i associate with anyone at all.
I don't know when it happened, or even why, but ever since I got back from leave, I've become a recluse. It seems as if the simple act of interacting with people is more than i can stomach, and when faced with having to do things that the army requires I do it with only half hearted attempts. I do not do more than lip service to the tasks at hand. And what am I to do with this lovely place? I let it rot.
What is it that now I hate all those that I had once loved? Why am I bound to dislike all that is bright and good? Is the darkness comming to consume me, as it does every night in my dreams. I find it hard to relate this darkness to people. Erika has begun interigating me on these matters, and trying to explain the nebulious darkess in my soul is like trying to grasp vapor with my fist.