I have come in contact with two main forms of feminism, and have come to find both equilly distasteful. One is the "liberated woman" that feels that the world is her oyster and that all the pleasures of the world are hers and hers alone. She LIKES being the center of attention and dresses and acts in ways that catch most men off guard. Somehow all the men in the world are hers to play with and choose like some dinner buffet, and that this selfish attitude makes her anything but a slut. The other is the "power of Woman" your baisic alpha type personality and ego with all the arrogance ascociated with a man with scorn cunning and yes cruelty that only a woman can bring to bare. She dresses in a way that is almost masculine, and is either not pretty or is and wants to be taken "serously" affraid of any hint of sexuality in the work place or anywhere else for that matter. This Feminist WILL be noticed, and who the hell cares how many toes she steps on to get that way. The irony is that while this is the more recognizable as the "feminist" this particular brand is at odds with the other, and often comes into conflict either for reasons of jealousy or because they feel that it is "women like that that give women a bad name"
In recent days I have seen far too many of both, and my faith in almost all women (A few notibale exclusions of course) has sunk to a level somewhere about where the Titanic now sits. In the past three days in Agieville, I've seen both at places where I usually haunt. I have watched in dismay as a gaggle will come in and almost point out which men are theirs, and if that doesn't work well they'll just make men drool over them as they grind on eachother. It's the proverbial fruit of knowlege and serpant all wrapped up in one. A coregraphed life that seems almost hell bent on ensnaring those poor fools that are prone to drool.
But I have also run into the other. I have had to listen to lectures while all i wanted to do is eat my food in peace. I have heard women go on and on and on about how their boyfriends or all the "dumb boys" just don't get it. They talk about all manner of things and how none of it is theri bleeding fault! It really is astonishing to hear them talk about Roe V Wade as ESSENTIAL! I have never been able to see it as anything more than a sensless waste. But I also had to listen to a rant about how army BOYS are the cause of all womens problems. . .something about how they're all stupid red necks. . . and somehow I finally managed to tune it out and eat my burger in peace.
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Being right next to a college is bound to bring an increase of misguided and excessive political activism. But listening to all this brought my spirits down. I had hoped for so long that a woman would be able to finally use those "feminie whiles" in a good way and soothe this raging storm of emotion inside me. I had hoped against hope that maybe there would be some sign that there is more to women these days than a screw and a "good luck with the rest of your life". But as each encounter with "post modern feminism" berings more pessimism about the whole sex, so too does hope fade that some day I will have a family of my own.
Part of this pessimism has to do with Erika. The whole "i love you but I'm not IN love with you" thing and of course the "open relationship" has me all twisted in knots. I can not really wrap my mind around the concept. Love is pretty simple. You love someone like a brother or sister or other relitive, and you'd do anything for them but you won't be doing any of the naughty or romantic bits cuz lets face it they're like siblings, Or you Love someone like a lover and you do all the things wou would for a sybling and the romantic and naughty bits. It's pretty simple and strait foward. I'm a complicated person, but I never, NEVER want complicated matters of the heart. Part of the reason the whole fiasco with Lisa hurt (and continues to) hurt so much is because when I love someone I do it unconditionally and when someone says "I love you" I expect, no hope, that they will be as die hard as I am.
Erika has the amazing ability to throw out "signals" and then a second later back track. One second she asks if I'd change my religion if we were together the next she talks about how she isn't dating me and wont. finally I just had enough. The WHOLE thing of marriage, kids all of it. The more i want it the more the thoughts of it hurt me. So I just accepted it. The post modern feminist has won. Congradulations. Families everywhere thank you for the broken homes and the daughters lining up to be the next cracked out celebrity slut.
Strangly this attitude seems to have made Erika into a cheer leader for marriage saying that hey we're going to get married (maybe not to eachother) but yadda yadda yadda. She even suggested eloping. I don't know who she'd suggest I do that with since clearly no one even thinks of me that way, and most of the women I know aside from her are either far far away (and not interested) or are getting married (and not interested). I am so sick of all my friends that are happy and rushing to the alter telling me to cheer up that she'll come along soon, and then all that sappy crap will happen. WAKE UP!!! There is NO woman in the wings waiting for me. There is no wife in my future. If I'm lucky I'll have a (relitivly) quick death by some IED or some Sniper, rather than ending up as a broken down and oh so very alone old man. I am so sick of the reassurances and hollow plattatudes and romantic notions. Haven't women made me suffer enough!?!?!