"Shirtless Slack Jawed Fagitry"

Going to the feild isn't really a bad thing. In some cases it can actually be kind of fun. Those cases, tend not to happen if there is any *real* supervision by the command group. Lets face it when you've got majors, and colonols and seargent majors breathing down your neck about how you train, you tend not to have fun when you're training. You also tend to do things in a way that is far more difficult than needs be.

Having said that, the absolute worst thing you can do is go to the field simply to say that, yes, you have indeed gone to the field. Such was the case with our last WONDERFUL FTX. I'm not going to bore you with details, of what we did, and even if I tried to, well I'd be bored to tears. I again fell into the role of the unmotivated come along, not allowed to touch treat or otherwise look at a patient, which, of course was the whole reason for being there in the first place. I litteraly sat in a tent for five days and did . . . NOTHING. . . Worse than that, I actually asked, begged to do some kind of training. Let me clear a house sit on a gun, SOMETHING.

Alas, it was not to be. At the end of it all I felt like a complete fool, having done a better job training to do my job IN IRAQ than I did in this bs FTX. I can not honestly decide what agrivates me more. The fact that I'm not being given my fair shakes, or the fact that I'm being compared to the battalion idiot that just happens to be my god damned room mate!

As for that incompotent POS, well he left his weapon in the latrine, which eventually ended up in the S-3 SGM's hands. I'd have felt sorry for the poor bastard if he didn't have it comming. he had to dummy cord EVERYTHING! I mean it. His flag, nametape, eyepro (eventually) gloves, weapon, K-pot, all his ammo pouches. I mean EVERYTHING! It was actually kind of comicle, but really it was sad.

In the end, the sole highlight of the week was going to the range on friday. Even though it was 0 degrees outside. I almost froze off my fingers. Oh well. In the end there was absolutly nothing in this whole week that would have let me feel in anyway that I acomplished more than re-reading a Dune book.

Snazzy new PX

ok so I gotta say, the new Ft Riley PX which has been under construction forever and a day is pretty sanzzy! After exploring it for five seconds I thought to myself (rather stupidly) "I may never leave post again". Now I've never understood how Ft Sam, a small post, (but still home to MEDCOM) managed to warrent such a large PX and places like Riley and Schofield had such tiny ones! Still the new PX is a step in the right direction. The direction of not making Fort Riley suck so much.

I mean a game stop that looks like it has more stuff than the MALL! and patriot outfitters (an overpriced but still very good gear store) is right there with a fair sized shop. I'm seeing things in this little mini mall ad pretty decent prices that outside would cost about 10%-15% more. now if its just a dollar that's not but it adds up after a while. Bestr of all everytrhing has that new smell to it. I mean really when things are brand spanking new they smell AWSOME from leather to clothes to a whole damned store!

Unfortunatly you can't change the simple fact that YOUR IN KANSAS!!! I mean if you're into ag, more power to you but the young and the bold don't really like this rustic lifestyle, and most of the people that live here can't wait to get out to a faster pace of life. I mean it might have been fine in the fronteer days, but those days are long over, and any road trip on the back roads of Kansas will show you old broken down homs that look like they haven't seen maintnence since the Great Depression.

Lets face it. Ft. Riley, the Big Red One, whatever you want to look at it, no one wants to be here. However, modernizing the post, and making sure that people have at least *some* of the amenities of that faster pace of life is a step in the right direction. Now if the Army would actually make sense we'd all be a lot happier.

This will end in tears

Ok so I saw Doc Shomaker, and he's the first one to say it, I'm burned out. I suppose when its staring you in the face its kind of hard to deny. He does have a point in that I keep replaying things like a bad looping tape, but lets face it, if you were totally lacking purpose in your life, would you be doing much better?

Well today (friday) is a day off. We (FINALLY) get the three day weekend we were promised for AUSA subscription. $20 for a day away from the med platoon. . . TOTALLY worth it! I mean the last two weeks have been a nearly constant peepee smacking, and when that's not happening I'm sitting on my ass. SSG Tyra said it best, its hard to take pride in something when there's a lot of sitting involved.

Even though the Bn was on red cycle, we were still doing crazy training feild problems, and i guess i can understand why. We go to NTC soon and deploy soon after that, but the Med platoon can barely keep up and, really no offense or anything but Cpt Brock ain't exactly helping matters with the near constant panic mode. Lt Carmen is ok, but, well like most Lt's there are days when you have fantisies of violence that you can't really make happen.

So while the rest of Evac is neck deep in stuff sans Foxworthy, I am sitting on my ass not only feeling useless, but worse pointless. I don't honestly know what is worse. I am trying, but the hope and the giddyness I felt at comming back has fadded and I find myself close yet really far from my goal... being back on the line. It is beyond frusteration and the fact that I am just a wall fixture to my PA don't exactly help matters.

Now, there is an ill defined feild problem, which no one really has any idea what exactly we are doing. Worse than that, we are going for a week, and it seems no one else is going to be doing anything. Since I am not able to drive, and since I am not able to treat patients I am forced to conclude that I will be sitting on my ass in the feild for a week, and praying a stray bullet somewhere takes me out to end my misery. What am I talink about, I'm praying for that now.

I do not think this will end well for the Med platoon, and frankly I think it will end in tear for someone. Not exactly the tiumphant return I had hoped for. God I hate my life.

Getting away *finally*

Ok so presidents day is a 4 day weekend for soldiers. Its a good thing too, if they didn't have four days, I'm sure that soldiers would kill eachother long before we ever got in contact with the enemy. I asked my mom to come out on the 29th of January, and this past weekend she came out and we spent time in Kansas City. In truth I asked her out here on possibly the worst day in the unit so far. I was literally to the point of tears. I just needed someone to get my mind off things. All I can say is thank God she came. I was about to go absolutly batty.

She came on friday evening and left monday. We spent the whole time in the greater Kansas City area, right next to the Kansas speedway with that huge mall and the Cabellas. friday night was mostly just getting settled, and figguring out what we were going to do. we settled on going to see two plays, which were the cultured thing to do and something I wouldn't normally do.

The first one was at the "heartland theater" and it was called "Murder by the Book" it was a comedy about an author, and his wife who were trying to off eachother, and a secratary and a nabor that got caught in the middle. The publisher also had a part to play, but in all it was a horribly complicated "who done what to whom" and it was pretty funny. I actually enjoyed it. It also helped that they served booze which you could take into the theater. I don't think I'll ever get over the novelty of that.

The next day was definatly. . . different. We went to see Arabian Nights. Lets face it anyone that knows me and has actually read this blog knows that was probably a really bad idea. But I went anyway. It was not long before i was figiting and generally having a hard time. More than once I wanted to bolt for the exit, whcich isnt's too good because it was actually a good play. . . sort of. By the intermission I was having real trouble, and I just had to get out. Mom understood sort of but I could tell it really broke her heart. This was a hurt that no one, mother, friend or otherwise will ever be able to fix. she suggested we leave but i insisted we stay. the end they said as one "and the nights of Baghdad became brighter than the day" and they retracted the lights, and there was the sound of sirens. . .that really got to me. what am I supposed to say about that. . .

well skip foward to monday. Thankfully it was going to be a short day. We saw some sights, and got totally lost. Kansas City is not well marked out. Its one of those cities where you really need to know where you are and where you are going or you're going to get totally lost. the Union Station there is really interesting. Amazing archatecture, and the liberty thing right across the street is also something to see. It comemorates the end of WWI and is really an artistic masterpeice. I think we've lost something important, because you just don't see monuments designed that way anymore. After it was all said and done, I took her to the airport and drove home to get ready for the next week of FUN. The valuse of the weekend wasn't in the sights or sounds, it was in the concept that for just a little while, I was able to pretend I was a normal person.

Some kind of hell

I know its kind of really been a while since I posted last. Since then I've had just about the worst month of my career. Not only am I sucking at PT I also got an Article 15 for ammo in my room. Aome how 15 rounds of 5.56 mm got me 14 days of extra duty, when a year ago I had 210 rounds AND a weapon. I know it's a violation of article whatever whatever, but really who cares? The thought that it really matters is forign to me.



So for 14 days I was busting my ass at work and in my free time. Thankfully I didn't lose any rank or pay. But what really gets my goat, is that I confidded in my squad leader SGT Sutton, and he took it to the Aid Station NCOIC SSG Tyra, and i got a stern talking to about my motivation. As if I alone were the only one lacking motivation. It really pisses me off. I've gotten counciling statements about lack of motivation, and quitting on pt, and yadda yadda.



Then there was the thing with the mortars, and the "cold" injuries, that somehow got my status as an active medic revoked by Captain Brock. The only reason I came back to 2-16 was to take care of soldiers and HE TOOK THAT AWAY FROM ME!!! Worst of all there was no face to face, no explination, a simple "you're not practicing medicine in this battalion until the doc says so." WTF does that mean!?!? I'm so angry about it. The man is a mennace!

Well my life has turned to shit in record time. So I had to ask for mom to cvome out and visit to take my mind offf things. So far just the fact of her visit was enough to make it a *little* better. God I hate the army right now. I really can't wait to get out.