The Best, the Worst, and the plain stupid

Normally, we, that is to say Americans try not to piss people off. The other day. . . not even close to the case. We crashed a funeral. and of course that went over REAL well. Needless to say while we were questioning people, and while we were finding bad guys, the tent next door which had an Imam or something got pretty riled up. They started screaming everything he said over the loudspeaker. no i am not an arabic expert, but i know when someone is pissed off. and seeing as Am-Reek-A was at the end of a lot of those sentances. . . yea they were'nt too happy. That was BEFORE a sniper tried to wax one of our gunners. It was also before a car tried to blow through (getting the living shit shot out of it in the process, don't worry driver's alive). Of course AFTER that was a nice little riot. What started out as a platoon+ effort became 2 companies, and NPs. STILL, we got our marks. Bad through and through.

As if that weren't enough after a bullshit mission the next day, we get woken up at oh-dark-thirty. Bad guys need nabbing. Rodger. so we roll out. no plan. No maps. No rehersals. We bust in, clear the houses (I will admit the lack of tac light is REALLY starting to become a hinderance as is my aid bag), and then we get word of runners on the roof. What followed was nearly three hours of running form one point to another at a high rate of speed (with 70 pounds of gear for me) Jumping um and down stairs, jumping across rooves, and in one instance nearly breaking my neck. it also got very confused, but despite the "fog of war" we STILL managed to not only get our mark, we got THE mark. Needless to say it was a long night. when we were done I was sweating my ass off. But i realized that night I LOVE THIS SHIT!!!

So now, you'd think we'd be treated like, well i dunno, high speed. but sadly it was not to be. The Uber gay Martha Stewart mode kicked in and we cleaned that COP top to bottom. i felt less like a soldier and more like a Molly Maid. I can not even begin to describe how demeaning it felt to have to scoop shit out of iraqi shitters (no porcalin thrones for these cats. no it is a HOLE IN THE FUCKING GROUND) sweep away dust that had been there since we started working at the COP, and other mindless stupid chores. One minuet you can do no wrong. the Next you are back in Basic training, and the biggest shitbag your DS ever laid eyes on. Sucks

Lastly, the Home Front. Dad is having a birthday tommorow. Having managed to avoid a heart attack with my Bro needing AA meetings for his Xbox addiction, trouble with mom's . . . absent mindeness, another son hell bent on a grunt's life, parents in failing health and a REALLY shitty job, i think this year is definatly one of those he deserves a really nice birthday. I doubt i could have done anything (from here) to make it any better, but hey i'll call tommorow (the 26th) and wish him well. I sent a card, but well who knows when that will get there. Mom's is comming up soon (May 3rd). don't know what's happening then.

And finally Lisa. I finally got a message from her via Myspace. It wasn't so much a "sorry i havn't been in touch i've been so busy, but i really miss you" it was more of "yea, sucks you've got it rough, i'm pretty busy too." So. . . what i think is this. . . she is not cheating per se. but i DO think her heart is no longer in this relationship, i can't blame her, after all she's probably got a wicked school load (91W was like that but i breezed through because it wasn't new to me) and even if she went to sleep every night with my name in her lips, it'll be 8 months before she sees me and for only two weeks, if that, and another six before i am home for good, assuming there are no extentions, and she doesn't get deployed. She's human. it would only be natural to look for something . . . closer. sadly "love and feeling" is the song that seems to apply to us now. *sigh* oh well.

Home Front

Wars ar not won only on the battlefield. It is clear that in WWII the tides began to really turn when the homefronts of the various axis powers came under attack (also when they WAY overextended themselves) Soldiers have always looked longingly bad "home" dreaming up some paradice they left. often the reality of home is not what they left.

What is sad is that in unconventional wars or wars where the home front is in absolutly NO danger, the war and by implication the warriors are often forgotten. sadly this war has prodiced the same result. There is a subtle want to demonize soldiers, or cannonize them. both are subtly ploys to make the war seem untennable. reality is that it is going to be as the president said a long hard struggle.

Soldiers are not heroes, or at least they'd deny it if asked. Heroes are the dead ones they'll say. yet the sacrafices made are real. Because a soldier returns with all limbs intact and no physical scars does not mean they did not sacrafice. even the lowliest POG sacrafices for their country. They sacrafice time. Hope. Dreams. They sacrafice girlfirends and loved ones. so are we heroes. maybe. But every hero has a price to pay. Not all Heroes are brave Ahceles or Might Hector. Many are just Joe, or Sally.

Back home we are seen many ways. out here getting extended is much the same as hearing "zero, zero, zero" on the Pt test after you've done 30 pushups. so what do we need? Stay stron at home. support us. Love us. Care for us. and when we return forgive us.

th price we pay

Soldiers always pay a price. The ultamite price awaits some people. Others pay in other ways. Some with nightmares. some with limbs, some with having lost a year of their lives. Others with wives or girlfirends. I have seen them all. In recent days. . . i have seen them all.

Sadly i think i have lost Lisa. The rumor is she moved on with an old flame. I am not the hero. I am not dashing, and worst of all i am not there. So it is an easy equasion. Does it hurt? yes. Any fool who reads previous coments left by her would know that it ment. . . something. But the truth is i can hardly expect such a small time to mean anything to her. I am in a place where even the most bittersweet memory is like gold.

I can not blame her. and after the hurt faded all i felt was. . . diaspointment. I doubt she'll read this. she has after found solace in the arms of another man. Such is life. Still the hurt does not fade easy. I clung to memories of her so tightly that a form of insanity or obsession overtook me. still when the nightmares came. . . her face was there to soothe my pain. My anguish over the other night, and the loss suffered. . . It isn't fair to depend on someone without a base first.

Perhaps it was doomed. Perhaps i was a fool. Perhaps a million things. I am not going to blame her. I will let her go. It is all i can do from here. So if it is true. . . goodbye. If not. . . who knows. I will keep my mind on the here and now then. Fuck home. I am dead now. I am a shadow. a wraith. if i return from tarterus, than so be it. Hope is for fools. Focus on the now. Fight the enemy. Save the men. that is who i am.

Seeing is not always Believing.

Sometimes, especially in a war, it is what is seen that is important. Only God knows how many acts of heroism went unnoticed or unreported. Those that survived them would often shrug them off as "part of their Job". But in war there are other events that are seen but never reported. The "detanee abuse" scandals at Abu Ghraib were, to the civilized world atrocious. no doubt to the people that were doing them it was a way to "give back" some of the hell the detanees put the soldiers through.

Indeed many of the "innocent" and "harrassed" detanees are the worst of the worst that wouldn't have hesitated to do much much worse to an american. The truth of the matter is that there is a lot more that goes on than that.

I never really espoused belief in macheovelian politics. that is doing things that one is morally opposed to to kepp the state running. Assasination, Esbionauge, Torture, intimidation are all tools of state. they are ugly and best kept out ot the "light" The truth is that for all the good that America stands for, it's people are naive about the nature of the world.

Even the military is unaware at times of what really happens. sometimes things are underreported. Sometimes they are over reported. Is it wrong? or is it just the workings of a war. It was said in WWII that soldiers looted Germany, that which Hitler hadn't already aquired, were approperated by soldiers. Such things have happened since the beginning of war. Though I have not seen this myself i have no doubt it happens. So what to do about it? Nothing. It is best to slap a few soldiers on the wrist and turn a blind eye on things that are minor.

Although Rep Murtha, or Nancy Pelosi would disagree, there are times this world can be cruel and inhuman. Soldiers for the most part, even when cut loose always have far more restraint than the enemies which they fight. It is perhaps one of the better qualities to the American soldier. Even when faced with absolutly barbaric conditions, they still mantain a semblance of civility. Marines. . . i can't speak for them. They always have been barely restrained. But the Army is different.