Saturday, April 7, 2007

th price we pay

Soldiers always pay a price. The ultamite price awaits some people. Others pay in other ways. Some with nightmares. some with limbs, some with having lost a year of their lives. Others with wives or girlfirends. I have seen them all. In recent days. . . i have seen them all.

Sadly i think i have lost Lisa. The rumor is she moved on with an old flame. I am not the hero. I am not dashing, and worst of all i am not there. So it is an easy equasion. Does it hurt? yes. Any fool who reads previous coments left by her would know that it ment. . . something. But the truth is i can hardly expect such a small time to mean anything to her. I am in a place where even the most bittersweet memory is like gold.

I can not blame her. and after the hurt faded all i felt was. . . diaspointment. I doubt she'll read this. she has after found solace in the arms of another man. Such is life. Still the hurt does not fade easy. I clung to memories of her so tightly that a form of insanity or obsession overtook me. still when the nightmares came. . . her face was there to soothe my pain. My anguish over the other night, and the loss suffered. . . It isn't fair to depend on someone without a base first.

Perhaps it was doomed. Perhaps i was a fool. Perhaps a million things. I am not going to blame her. I will let her go. It is all i can do from here. So if it is true. . . goodbye. If not. . . who knows. I will keep my mind on the here and now then. Fuck home. I am dead now. I am a shadow. a wraith. if i return from tarterus, than so be it. Hope is for fools. Focus on the now. Fight the enemy. Save the men. that is who i am.

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