Thursday, March 19, 2009


So we're officially on "block leave" and it has not been good so far for 2-16. Within the first thirty-six hours there were fights with a Cop, DUIs, and a near fatal accident while running drom the Cops! Of course the BC wasn't happy with that. Not at all. The funny thing is that the only company that didn't have an incident was Delta! Wow, that is deffinatly a first.

So Tuesday started with a bang. Aparently there was a while lot of organizing of MES chests that needed to be done. I know it has to be done from time to time, but christ alighty it seems like every other day we have to do these things. Muy Muy Mal. What really stung was that I found out that after the eval I did on friday, they had already decided on TUESDAY, to go ahead and push the 5-17. The most amazing thing of all is that they were talking weeks not the usual 2-3 months. That completly threw me for a loop. There is no way that I think I'll be ready for that kind of major transition in the timeline provided.

As if to proove the point, my chaper physical was the next day. Thats unheard of. In all my time in the Army, and dealing with chapters, I've never heard of the initial steps of a chapter foing through that quick. It is really making my head spin. Baisically over this 4 day I have to start cleaning all my TA-50 (not too hard as I've only really used it all once) and really start to plan out my transition. How am I going to make Car payments, How am I going to get home, how am I going to get to WVU, how am I going to pay for that, and far more important than that, what am I going to do after that?

I know neither how to respond to this, nor how I should prepare for this. There is something that feels just plain wrong about this, and yet for all the fear this sudden change induces I have to wonder if it is not, indeed, for the best. What have I really gained by comming back. Is my life really better for trying to continue to be a soldier. Perhaps my honesty is my own Acheles heel. Could I do another deployment and not return so absolutly Mind f***ed that I could carry on *some* kind of life? It is terrifying in a way and yet part of me is so used to being the viscious wolf. The hunter of men, ready to kill.

How can I walk away, and how can I find peace after this?

1 comment:

Unknown said...

The Army will fly you home for free. When you get there, look into California's policy for vocational rehabilitation. New Jersey is paying for me to go to school, from start to finish, including books and supplies. I could've gone to any school anywhere. You may get a severence pay for being separated before your ETS. I did, and that should help with immediate expenses. If not, take a job right away doing anything. And you don't have to stay in California! If you find a good job online that's somewhere else, GO THERE. And make sure you get into the VA's healthcare system. Get evaluated for disability as soon as you can. Tell them anything you can think of that hurts or isn't working right. If it's even remotely service-connected, you'll get paid for it. Start going to the doctor now for things if you haven't already, so it's in your official army medical record. And get a copy of it. That's really important. I don't have a copy of mine and until St. Louis sends it to me I have to start over with my back. And call me if you need me.