Thursday, December 6, 2012

Writting Blues

I have been trying for the mast few months to write something.  I'm not pretentious enough to call it a book, just something, that should be roughly novel length.  The problem, aside from finding time to actually work on it, and this, and posts for the Rhino Den, and School and work. . . Is that I have to be careful what I write.  See a lot of the things I would write would be truthful, but if viewed in the wrong context could get some people in trouble.  For instance, messing with the detainees. 

No most everything we did with the detainees was tame, we would mess with their heads, and it would be kind of a stress reliever for us, but if you were to talk about a very real Officers and NCOs who turned a blind eye to it, then those very real Officers and NCOs would have their careers affected.  Now I'll be honest, I absolutely despised some of the people we brought in.  If the Joes fucked with the detainees, as long as they didn't do anything serious, I was fine with it.  You almost needed that kind of relief or you'd go crazy, but our current culture is not at all understanding of that.  If I explain the way that War really is, even when it's tamed down, people go into a flying tizzy. 

Another thing I have to be mindful of is, well I start talking like I'm back in.  I keep using all the acronyms all the terminology, and things that if you didn't live the life you just wouldn't understand.  Let's face it, if I try to explain everything it'll be choked with exposition.  If I try to water it down it sounds fake or canned.  It's a classic catch 22.  I mean i could explain what a POG or FOBbit is but really I would think after a while those things would be self evident. 

There are also operational details.  How do I write without giving anything away.  There were one or two mission where we had special Navy and Air Force teams assigned to us.  They used what was called the "Asset".  Now by now people know what it is and what it does, but you still want to keep OpSec in mind.  How do I tralk about some of the abilities we had, and used without compromising, even in a small way, OpSec, or national defense in general.

Lastly I have to be mindful of the effect it's having on me.  Reliving my memories so that I can write them out on this computer is effective and i have a talent for writting, but I also have to be wary of delving too far into those memories.  They're full of pain, and while its a lot less than what it used to be, its entirely possible that I could get pulled back into that feedback loop that I was before.

Lastly, well to put it bluntly I want to get published.  I don't want this thing hanging around in my computer forgotten forever.  The problem: I have no idea the things I should know, about getting published, editing or a ton of things like that.  Its actually really kind of scary.  I'll be putting my life out there for people to judge.  What if I am a total flop?  It's scary!

Lastly I want my story to be cathartic, in some way.  I want to veer off course a bit from my real life (fiction lets you do that) but I also want there to be some form of healing involved.  We'll see what happens.  Anyway stay tuned I'll let you know how it goes. 

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