Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Blackout Blues

It is really annoying to spend days out at the COP (this last one was a dusey at one point all OPs were firing and the Apachees joined in on the fun) only to combe back and find out that you are on commo blackout. Even more troublesome when you have no idea why. Now the stated purpose for commo blackout is sound, you don't want people calling home before the barevement team shows up. But sadly this purpose does not always work. There are . . . other methods of calling home, and, well commo blackout doesn't affect any of them.

The really sad part is if you are waiting for something important, say a girlfriend to write back, or, to see on webcam your baby being born (personally SCREW that, i've seen one birth and that is MORE than enough for one lifetime.) For me it is a chance to talk to the people i can only really keep in contact with throught the internet. Lisa for one, though even online her messages are somewhat slack. What i'm left with is previous suspicions heart ache and loss. but that's the norm for me right now.

Now being able to tell everyone about our adventures, and they are something of a tale, is something that helps me unwind. In fact having nothing but time on my hands in the FOB really works against me and all the issues i can forget about (because i'm so damm busy, or miserable from other things like the heat) come bubling back to the surface. Lisa first and formost. Am I still with her, doeas she love me, is she really cheating on me, how do i tell her how i feel in ways she can understand. Then there's the Grandparents. their slow deteriation si something i both want to be a part of and want nothing to do with, then my Borther and the stranger that he is to me, my parents and their endless woes, and genrally life itself.

Perhaps it is selfish. But it is what i long for. If you try to be sorry for every poor Joe that eats an EFP, you'll be sucking emotionally. The simple truth is you insulate yourself. i don't want to know about the other platoons, i don't want to know about their woes other than when they do something stupid and we can laugh at them. I don't want to rember and endless list of names, of people we left behind. So i bitch about Commo Blackout, knowing full well what it is for and why it is there. Sue me.

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