Saturday, January 19, 2008

Hot Ride

Freedom. Power. Two concepts that kind of go hand in hand. For me right now the symbol of freedom is a car. The means to do what I will and go where I please. I loved my little Mazda three, but not just because it was responsive and fast (even if it was small) I loved it because it was freedom. For a few minuets an hour a day I could go wherever I wished. All I had to do was imagine and go.

But sadly there has not been a chance for me to leave Riley. I couldn’t go anywhere. I was at the mercy of others, and truth be told I hated it. I hated it in ways I can’t even begin to describe. How many nights did I stay in the barracks and watch the same movies over and over again? How many hours did I pace? How many times did I stop and think about the lost love? I hardened my heart to the world, and eventually came to hate everyone and everything

I do not lay blame. Although I tried. I realized I had lost Lisa, because I held back. Truth is even looking back, I don’t think I’ve done so much for so little. What I mean by that is most people would call me crazy to hope for a future after ten days spent together, but I did. I cursed everything when that hope fell through, but it is not really fair to her. To be honest, I’m so much of a mess when it comes to relationships that I didn’t have a chance. But I’ll never suffer an ill word against her in my presence.

Since Christmas, I started a downward spiral. I don’t know when I started it, but when it became clear how far I had fallen I realized I needed something to recover what was left of my sanity, and maybe even my soul. The Mission is over. At least for me. At least for now. I can not hope for the love of a woman, or alt least the woman I wanted. And then Gary told me about how he got his car.

Now I will warn every military man and woman out there DO NOT USE THE MILES program! It’s great on the surface but it’s for high risk situations. Better to buy a lemon lot car, and then trade it in to the dealer to get at least some headway. But I’m getting sidetracked. Nikki (different one) who is a waitress at Coyotes, sold Gary his car, and he referred me to her. Lets face it, I need a set of wheels like old men need supplemental O2.

Low and behold there is this one car that catches my eye but dam it, it’s a manual. So she says well try test driving this other one. Now for those that are used to the little Japanese cars when you strap into a car and turn on a V8, and God help me I fell in love. That Rumble and roar made me just happy as hell.

So now I have to means to go where I will. Even though it is shallow as hell, I love the roar, and the absolute shallow nature of it all. It’s a chick magnet. So what? I love it all the same. I’m sure that had I not been desperate or in such a bad way I’d most likely felt a little worried about the small details, like price or gas mileage. But the sad truth is I needed this boost. I suppose the big question is: Is it too little to late?

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