Fuck 2011!

I would have to say if ever there a year that was utterly shit, It would be 2011. I mean I thought my 13 months in the WTB were bad, but this year takes the but fuck cake. How you say? Well let me start off with January:

So first week of school, I was staying at the House (I loved living in the KA House) and got wicked sick. It was not good. Missed the first week of school. THEN my father died. That threw my semester out the window. You could understand the depression that followed. Then the chapter lost its charter. The one bright side of January to May, was that Osama died. And Fuck him very much.

So then I was living in the KA basement for almost a month. Believe me when I say that sucked ass. Homelessness is a bitch. So then I get the pipeline job in NY, and fuckers fire me after 7 days. Which royally fucked up my financial plan and made me feel even worse. The girlfriend at the time was not helping matters much. She wanted all my attention, and to tell the truth she was getting beyond unhelpful. Yeah drama is like a magnet to me.

So now I've got a job at walmart. It sucks ass and the pay is a bitch. I've been behind on my bills despite earning more than ever. It really doesn't make sense, but what can you do? Thankfully I've been working out at the Rec, and I've actually lost a lot of weight. That's probably the reason I haven't offed myself sooner. This year has been fucking insane.

Oh did I mention Helen got married? Wonder-fucking-FULL!!! She's so happy I could gag. So to the fairer sex all I've got to say, is really you suck.

So now I've got to pay through the nose to try to get registered. It is something I might talk about later. But for right now. FUCK 2011!!!

Meet the Greeks.

Bill LeHait (right) and myself in front of our booth.

Today we held an event where the entire Greek Community of WVU turned out to help recruit for Rush which begins on the week of the 20th. Its the same event that got me interested in the KA in the first place. I met Aaron right at the end and the rest is history. It can be fun but it is pretty well mandatory.

Honestly I think that it was more for the Sororities. The biggest problem is Pan-Hellenic has some UBER GAY rules. Whereas the Fraternities are the ones that must recruit Rush and induct new members the girls are all brought to the sororities. You actually have to pay TO rush. They take you around to all the houses, and its all really. . . retarded. All the girls were wearing the same shirts, which made NO freaking sense. DG and Chi-O don NOT get along, as an example. The girls don't "Rush" its "recruitment" and they are not "Pledge(s)" they are some other word. Even the pledging process is not designed to teach or weed out. So IFC (Intra-Fraternity Council) doesn't have NEAR as many rules, thank God, but still.

We made a few contacts I talked to a few people. Ian pissed me off real bad when he interrupted me when I was with a potential. I can not begin to say how annoying it was. And he simply restated everything I just said. Kind of annoying. He needs to learn when not to step in. But overall I saw a few kids that I'm pretty sure will pledge. I'm glad to see that. Can't wait for Pledging to begin. Hopefully it'll make the insanity of this Sallie Mae bullshit fade away.

9 years later

Part of me wants to say "holy crap its been 9 years?" but part of me is also starting to feel distance from the issue and event, so perhaps I really can believe its been 9 years. It does kind of bother me though that there is still an active war that is still ongoing and most Americans for the most part seem to have forgotten, or at least aren't consciously aware that the threat is still out there. Go to the Huffington Post some time and you will read pieces about how it was all a lie, or that it was a conspiracy or that we overreacted. Listen to some folks and you'll STILL hear the "truther" movement echoing with just the faintest hint of legitimacy.

I tired, really I tried, to watch Loose Change. I would like to be able to hear all sides of an issue, but i found the whole thing so ignorant that it made me want to scream. I try to watch all the "ah-HA!" moments, and what you end up with is a whole case built on the most insanely circumstantial evidence and the conspiracy gets ever more vast, complicated and in the end you have this leviathan that simply could not exist in the real world.

I believe that the people who continue to believe this are not bad people necessarily (there are some methodology I'd argue against, and there are always a few lunatics) but I also don't believe that it is as representative of the population as they would like to believe. So how do these amazing and vast conspiracies come to form? Well I think part of it is denial. Its is hard to believe that one man in the 9th floor of a book depository could possible be so accurate and fire so well, and really cause so much damage to the national psyche. Likewise it is hard to believe that 19 pissed off Muslims that trained in a cave in one of the poorest countries in the world could have the wherewithal to cause so much destruction. To people that believe such things I would say that a truly motivated man can do things that defy imagination.

as for how the buildings fell, the Airplanes hitting the towers flight 93 being staged (I talked to workers in the area who didn't hear it but there's a lot of science you'd have to go into to explain why they wouldn't hear it.) I have to ask one simple question. If all this was planned out, either by a singular individual of a shadowy cabal. . . with all the support required (and remember the more elaborate you get the more support you have to have) knowing all this, and that there is always SOMEONE that talks. . . why haven't we gotten conclusive proof of this conspiracy? We have clear video evidence of both planes hitting the WTC. the first strike is a little harder to see but it is quite clear. we have moderate quality footage of the plane hitting the Pentagon, and of all those crashes pointed to as evidence for why 93 is not how people say it is. . . have you honestly ever seen an airplane hit the ground at over 500MPH? most crashes are at Landing or take off, so using them for evidence is pretty well shot.

As for the question "where are all the pieces?" Aluminum is pretty sturdy but its nothing compared to steel. With enough speed and force wings, engines tails etc will shred like tissue paper. structural integrity for say a civilian passenger liner is not nearly as much concern as for say a fighter aircraft. At most a 757/767 is expected to pull 3-4 g's and that's an "oh shit" moment, and really its not expected to do that for long. Were you to somehow find a way to break the sound barrier with a 757 the airplane would literally tare itself apart, so its no wonder that these planes have little remaining pieces.

I could go on for hours I think about these myths. The problem I have is that anyone, especially rational people would give these awful thoughts anymore than lip service. And if by some chance there truly WERE this shadowy cabal that everyone thinks is in power, well that paints a really terrifying view of the world I choose not to believe in. It also presupposes that America is a generally bad place and bad country. If we really are the "bully" it is because we are always trying to do the right thing and always taking an ethnocentric view of life. However despite the disastrous errors that can happen in both foreign and domestic policy, isn't it simpler to explain this through incompetence and negligence rather than Malice?

why can we not memorialize this day without controversy? Why can't we have unity like we did on 9/12/01? is it really so bad that we have to tare each other apart over minutiae?

Compare and contrast.

So here are the women in my life retroactively back to Lisa.


Liz


Helen


Jessi



Lisa.


So here's the point. Looking back on my life, there are a lot of things that can be said. Each of these women I loved in my own way. Lisa and Jessi seem to have this strange place in my personal history. The romances between me and them where short lived intense and left me broken when it was over. Jessi more so because more than passion, I felt truly happy with her. There were so many times, that I thought about just running to her and begging for her back. but I couldn't her judgment of me would be so terrible that even if it were mild scorn it would be like thunder from heaven. It doesn't help that both are intrinsically linked to my second tour.

Helen. . . God what do I say about Helen. I really wanted to make things work with her but I never matched her glossed up view of life. I will understand her inner workings better than I think any man ever will, and she is the only person that I turned to. My first tour I told her everything, and at some level I'd always loved her, and she me. That she could leave so easily hurt more than I could explain. That she is now happy and enjoying the new man, that she is bubbly about and has all the things she wanted, somehow doesn't sit well with me. What can I say?

Now Liz. This is a bit hard to explain. Instant connection, but problems. She has health issues up the yin yang, and she really wants the whole nine yards. Namely she has babies on the mind, marriage, and I am the one she wants. Its really humbling to know that someone wants me so much but I'm not sure that she wants me or my. . . um stuff. well you know I guess that it doesn't really matter in the end.

What do all these women have in common? For one moment they all offered me a glimpse of a dream. The vision of something to come home to, family, love. I don't know what happened along the way. How all of that lead to more scaring than before. Being alone seems somehow too unbearable to continue to contemplate, but really what future can I provide. I am a soldier. I am a loner, and more than that, I can't really relate more than 90% of America anymore. Everyone seems so god damned spoiled, and promiscuous. When "Snookie" is one of the most recognizable celebrates, a shallow vapid woman who is probably so disease ridden that having any form of contact would probably either make you retarded or make your dick fall off. There is no growth, there is no greater understanding. In fact quite the opposite.

So what do you out there you, whoever you are, what do you think?

Money Woes

I sometimes wish that I were President Obama. I mean i can give people the finger and spend their hard earned money while the tofu eaters just gobble up the insane policies I spit forth. I mean its AWESOME! ok if you can't tell that that is a sarcastic statement, you might need to get your head checked.



It might be hard to believe that I, a college student could disagree with our Dear and Fluffy Leader. but I am not your average College student. I passed two women that were heckling the College Republicans booth across from the Mountain Lair. The things they were saying seemed to come right out of a political speech "we had 8 years of Bush. . . " or "Why can't we have a black guy?" Ok so Bush wasn't the greatest. I think he was far better than a lot of other Presidents, but that, ultimately will be for history to decide. He was far better than Carter, and without a doubt I trusted him more than Clinton. Now I hear these women say things like "thanks for saving me, my family is all like that republican. I mean my mom is a real Jesus freak. . . " it kinda went on from there. What bothers me, well and truly bothers me is that most of those D's out there truly feel they are better than the R's. why? because they Believe in God? or hold on to traditions that have kept us (more or less) together as a county for almost 300 years?

So here I sit, not able to pay bills, waiting on the GI bill to pay up, sweating bullets , hoping they really don't wait three freaking months again. I'm avoiding social occasions with my brothers so i don't spend money. It really blows, and I hear the PotUS talk about spending MORE we simply DON'T HAVE. I mean if I were to do that, they'd haul my happy ass off to Jail. Why is it ok for a country to do it. Its like a massive ponzi scheme. I'm kinda left wondering who will be stuck with the check. I know i damn sure cant pay it.

Hello again

Its been a whole year since my last post. A lot has happened. I lost a girlfriend, tried to be celibate met, someone I hadn't seen since High School and now we're dating (LOOONNNG story) I'm now a full member of Kappa Alpha (yeah I know a frat. Get over yourself). But, as ever my money issues fallow me. As if getting my $500 a month from the VA (FINALLY) would have eased things up? NOPE back to square one. Apparently there was a form I knew not of, which should have been filled out many moons ago. Hence I am yet again waiting for that post 9/11 GI Bill to pay up that stipend, wondering how long i can hold off from getting a job.

As if that weren't enough stress right there, I am also a shitty student apparently. Well actually anyone that knows me knows how intelligent I am, buuuuttt well lets just say there's issues with school work. so I got a nasty gram from the University saying in essence "we are gonna kick you out" JOY! I managed to finagle my way back, but, well its a long story. So for now, I'm back. More to come I'm sure but what the hell

I've been published. . . sort of

Well I wouldn't have believed it, but indeed I am in a book. Not me as a charictor. ME. The person. I'm even quoted. This strange moment of celebrity is not without some doubt. I'm almost affraid to see what is written about me. See when I was deployed LTC Kauzralich or however you spell his name (we just called him "Killer K") always had this reporter at his hip. Almost always. Some said that he was writting a book to make the col look good so he could get his chickens. Fat chance I thought till I saw in army times that the SOB had actually managed to get promoted. I guess they'll promote anyone in the Army these days.

It's so weird though. There are the words. There is the scene. I remember them. It was a distant memory, long forgotten, and yet reading what David wrote, the words I said came right back to me. Dear God did I really say that? Yes, yes I did. Did I really talk about that? Yes, I did. What do you say to that? There are your words. "I feel sick all the time when we go out. I know we're going to get hit." Its weird. And reading what March said. . . It made me realize that I wasn't the only one that was suffering inside. I especially liked the end of the chapter about us.

"Phill went back to his ambien

Lt Hammel went back to his furnature

Bailey went back to his long loops around the FOB

Wheeler went back to his 'what ifs'

and March went back to his slideshow."

It seems strangly fitting. In the end he didn't talk about chargin down hundreds of insurgents, or saving babies. In the end he seems to suggest that the ultimate act of heroism was simply putting the vest on again and going outside the wire. Does that make me a hero? Does that make me brave? or stupid?

It inspired me to do something to aleviate some guilt. I called the New Haven register. Its time to set the record strait. His family has a right to know. He didn't die becuase he was tired or because he was given a bad mission. He died because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He died because you never see an IED till its too late. Never. I hope that I can convey the sense of loss, that he was loved, and that his loss hurt us too. That we hold on to him each day in our dreams.

8 years later

Now we stand. 8 years after the face. There have been tributes, and people have largely moved on. Kids now in college, too young often to remember or understand the events of September 11th 2001. Few are the people as directly affected by it. The families will always remember, as will the soldiers. But the public, in time will forget the horror the pain and the fear.

I can not, at this time tell you what i feel about that fact. Perhaps it is good in someway. Perhaps it is good that the public is not constantly tearing at the scab trying to relive the pain, but to me, the lack of somber attitude or, worse, awareness, is grating to the worst degree. I can not help but feel disheartened. The world saw the best, and the worst in humanity that day, things that ought not to be forgotten so easily.

I find that listening to women gossip about what clothes are worn or who goes out with who, on a day like today to be nearly intolerable. And yet, this is the very innocence I've fought to protect. Hearing one friend was going on a "Fascist America" bike ride nearly sent me through the roof. Such fools would allow such tragedies to happen based on narrow views that are far more intolerant than those they claim to oppose. That a dear friend, and one time lover, was doing it. . . really hurts. How? How can anyone think such things? If they had seen what I'd seen would they call Jihadis freedom fighters? NO! They would call them what they are, except I have yet to find one word in the English language filled with enough contempt and scorn for honorless thieves, murders rapists and cowards.

I've spent two 9/11's in a war zone, and 6 in the Army. I've been on staff Duty, and even went to a church service that day. and where, in all of this does the peace come? Where does the peace of mind come from knowing AT LAST this tragedy has been avenged and prevented from ever happening again? It doesn't come. It probably won't ever come, because sadly it is just as likely today as it was on 9/10 save the one key factor, we're aware of it now.

I know this war won't last much longer. It can't, but the thought of losing is just heart breaking. Especially when so much was sacrificed to get it done. Islamofascism can not be allowed to win or the next thing you will hear is "allah huakbar" on the city streets of New York itself.

Wish I knew someone here. . .

I think I can safely say that the biggest problem with college is simply put, THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE!!! How anyone can make "lifelong" friends in an institution this size is beyond me. I suspect that it has a lot to do with Fraternities and Sororities (the "Greek" societies) but even then, how the HELL does a person make friends with classes that take place in small amphitheaters!

This is no doubt the "culture shock" that I was expecting, but still. I'm surrounded by people and I feel pretty alone. I think that's just odd! Still, I do not feel empty. Not like I did a few short months ago. Is it because this is not Kansas? Or is it because I have a sense of purpose? I wouldn't know which. Still, it is good to get out from under the heel of oppressive PA's and giant not so there PSG's.

Classes are difficult, and my old friends heartburn and insomnia have returned with a vengeance. I was strangely asymptomatic before I got here, now my rhythm is all sorts of wacky. Some days I go to bed at 8 (2000) others I don't close my eyes till 0400. It really is in-freaking-sane. Something I wish I could fix.

The good news to come out of that though, I have begun hand writing (because my computer is broken ARG) one of the many stories that have been bouncing around in my head. I hope i can fill up the journal i bought before I lose interest again, but I'm sure I'll not be that lucky. Hopefully I can send it to Niki who can edit and type it, so i can add in other things send back to her proof read and whatever. End goal. I publish. I get PAID THIS TIME!!! (I'm still simmering about "Don't Quit" I can kind of see why Napster caused so many artists grief) and hey maybe my financial woes will be over. . . not likely but we've all got to have dreams don't we?

A New Day in A New Place

Well sports fans, I'm out of the army. Ironically my last day was the 29th of april exactly 6 years 3 months after I joined. I'd like to say i did all I could to fight it but by that point I was tired of arguing with the Army. I kind of got steam rolled by the great beuracratic machine that is Uncle Sam. I'm also not going to lie and say that i wasn't a little glad to be out. Lets face it Ronny "I'm a Captain in the United States Army" Brock, for all his psudo concern made my life a living hell. I'm glad to be away from it. Now if I go back i go back on MY terms. Not theirs.

So what, you ask have I been doing with my life? Simple I've started college. Now this suave 25 year ols Freshmen is starting where? why West Virgina. WVU isn't the most prestigious college eever, nor is it the biggest, smnallest or a lot of other things. In ints own way however it is great. Only two weeks in WVU has welcomed me with open arms and for that they have earned my loyalty. (perhaps thats whty alumni are so proud)

What am i studying you ask? well. . . that's a matter of debate. See I wish I could say that I kne wbut the truth is I just pain don't. I haven't the foggiest on what the hell i want a degree in. But at the end of the day I know I need that degree. So get it I shall. More to come but for right now I've got to get to class.