Tuesday, October 16, 2007

what's the point?

I arrived at Riley last night. What did i get when i came back. Not what i expected. Even though riley is beautiful by my standards (8 months in iraq remeber) i feel empty. Being here is not what i want. I am alone, even though there are familliar faces I feel more alone now than ever. So i want to go back. Sad as it may sound, it is where i belong now.

Lisa doesn't love me. I know she cares but i knew when she got to AIT, I lost her. It seems that this relationship was kept up because i was in a hellish place. I knew it was comming but now i feel even more hallow than before. What is there for me here? It is so sad that the only place I belong is a warzone. Ug

I should talk about the c-130 ride, but to be honest my damm pancreas hurts too much. For some reason it just won't cut out, and it's really annoying me. Nothing and i mean NOTHING is going the way it's supposed to. WTF!?! I just don't get why everything always seem like an uphill struggle. I hate how everything is transitory. Is there nothing in my life that will be perment? DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

Maybe if Katie comes and visit's I'll be able to relax some. It's always good to have an old battle buddy around. but in the mean time, here i sit here i stay, wondering who i pissed off in a past life to deserve this life i live. ah well at least i get to kill something every once in a while.

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