Tuesday, October 16, 2007

the Worst Type of Limbo

of all the things that have happened to me in my career, this feels like one of the lowest point. I mean I am now in a place that I didn't think i'd see. I am now in limbo in every way possible. I have almost no attachments. How this happened I have no clue. How did I get here? only a few days ago things were as close to fine as could be. I had my mission i had my job and i had a certain level of peace of mind.

This couldn't have come at a worse time. this couldn't have happened in a worse way. I am told that i am going to be here for at least 30-60 days. that's if I'm lucky!!! It's as if a great hole opened up and i fell into the seventh circle of hell. I can't even really belive i'm here at all! I'm in some strange state of shock, and i have no idea what to do.

Can it be that this is karma gone bad? I suppose there is a lesson here, but what it is i have no clue. I can not understand why this is happening to me like this. It is like my body betrayed men and the Army quick to see weakness zoned in on me and off i went. But in reality for whatever reason it chose this moment to fail. It is painful and i'm trying to "cowboy up" as much as possible but the pain is so bad at times, it's not like before it won't go away, and to tell the truth it scares me.

Lisa. . . i can not blame her. She apollagizes, but the truth is none is nessisary. How sad is it that as crushing as this SHOULD feel, aside from some disquite i feel nothing. It's just another thing to ass to a long list of heartache. Like a last gasp from a dying man my heart felt one little hichup and nothing. My list of heartaches are too long to list. What now? what am i to do?

Despite it all the distant flame of hope is still alive. Dim like a distant memory, but it lights up this long and endless night. The way is still unclear. Where I go from here, is unclear. I don't know what to do. Whare do i go from here. where indeed.

No comments: