Saturday, March 10, 2012

Even Privates know better

So as the second article I'm writing for RU I chose Congress.  Here goes. 

When I was a private I spent money like it was nobody's business.  Thankfully I wasn't stupid enough to buy walk into a car lot and get a car at 30% interest, (but that has happened).  I'm not kidding once I turned 21 I spent every last dime getting to the bar, drinking at the bar, paying for remotely good looking women's drinks so they might sleep with me, and finally staggering back to my barracks very much not with said woman. I could do this because I knew when all was said and done, the DFAC was there and I could always have chow, and the Barracks were there so I'd always have a place to stay.

Every once in a while you're get one of those sloped headed window licking short bus riding Privates that weigh a buck soaking wet and married a woman that's 400 Lbs because she's the first woman that ever slept with him,  and he over spends on something, acting like its still just him, even though dumbass didn't use condom sense and his wife has started punching out kids like a C-130 over a drop zone.  He's probably gotten a STAR card, and bought all those awesome things AAFES has, and forgotten things like Diapers, Formula, or haircuts.  Those Privates get squared away quick or they get the boot. 

Still, with those idiots its usually because they don't know any better, Taking them aside and smoking the dog shit out of them then counseling them to emphasize the seriousness of their failures usually gets them to pull their head out of their asses. Its a crying shame we can't do that with Congress.  See Article 1 is pretty clear that its the Legislature that has control of the money, and while it is so exceptionally easy to blame the President for spending like its going out of style, the real blame lies with Congress which lets him spend like that. 

Apparently in February alone the Federal government had a deficit of 578 BILLION  dollars.  That's not just what they spent, that's what they spent more than they took in.  Even an 18 year old private with a blank check couldn't spend that much.  Hell give me a whole brigade of 18 year old privates and they could booze up, buy cars, or pop out kids even close to that number.  So why is it that roughly a Mech Battalion sized element can spend like that and think its ok?

Whats worse is that these aren't 18 year olds.  At some point every single one of these congress critters has had to do their taxes and balance their checkbook.  Are you seriously going to tell me that this level of douchefuckary is an attempt to be like 18 year old Privates?  That deficit alone is bigger that the entire DoD budget.  Did we somehow buy another military when I wasn't looking?  The roads here all have pot holes, and PA is even worse, so lets ask seriously, where in the flying donkey fuck is all that money going?  Are you going to tell me that we've somehow made the economy better? because if you look at the numbers (not the labor boards)  its still sitting at about 10%.  Hell Senator McCain of all people, is calling for us to go into Syria.  I'm sure our military will be real effective with spit wads and harsh language. 

For what they're spending there better be a lot of big screen TVs and gold plated toilets.  If I could go somewhere and see smell or touch some vast monument I'm not aware of, or if there were a secret war on with Aliens or some tinfoil hat squad stuff like that I might actually be ok with this.  But until someone points out the giant penis shaped monument to Bill Clinton (cuz you know its coming) or I see some burning space ships in the atmosphere, I'm going to go with we bought Jack and Shit.  Even every Congress Critter living it up on your dime couldn't explain even closely the steaming bag of cocks that is the federal budget.  Maybe if they're all snorting Gold laced Pure Colombian with hundred dollar bills of an escort's ass, which they then use to light real Cubans after finishing off all the Top Shelf booze in DC, but they can't even say they've done that. 

What's really scary is that even a Private with a shiny new STAR card has more sense than our on Congress.  Worse, at least with the Private you can drag his ass back to AAFES and return that big screen TV.  You can't do that with Congress.  So for not Manning the Fuck Up, or not grabbing your balls and sounding off like you've got a pair if you've gone along with this, I say to you Congress you are complete and utter DOUCHEBAGS.  I can not think of any steaming bag of dicks that is more deserving of losing their jobs than you are.  (Dear God please tell me they can't file for unemployment!!!)

1 comment:

MSgt B said...

I believe it's spelled "Douchefuckery" not "Douchfuckary".
I think the original "Douchbaggery" works very well, but you may also substitute with "Assclownery" or "Turdpunching".

Loved the article. Keep up the great work!