Friday, May 30, 2008

Strange peice of mind.

I was talking to (Formyely PFC) Price the other day. We went fishing the sunday before last, and I had asked him, very tenitivly, if Harrelson had really been screaming. That was something that hadbothered me the most about that day, that Harrelson had been alive and no one was able to get him out. He told me that it was in fact Drew that was screaming, and that he had checked inside the window and that Harrelson was pretty much killed instantly.

I know it sounds bad but this feels like a great burden lifed off my chest. I felt like I had failed him for not even trying to save him. In truth, when I got there even if he had been alive there would have been no way to get to him, but the thought of that really sweet kid burining alive. . . well you can see why that would disturb me. But from what Price says he actually bore the brunt of the impact and he was dead before the Humvee even hit the ground.

I suppose this does little to comfort his family, or to engraciate myself on all three of my readers, but truth be told it really doesn't matter. The though of Harrelson suffering a fate that I would only wish on my worst enemies, disturbed me, and if you read some of the posts from when I had gotten back I had a LOT of nightmares about that.

I also found out today that I did in fact receive an award for my part in 2-16. I suppose this is the last little bit i needed for closure. One of the most bitter parts about my first deployment is all I got was a stinking COIN!!! I know no one will ever pin this ARCOM on me, and to be honest I don't need it. I just want to have something to point to and say "see I did my part and I got recognized for it!" 8 months of sand blood, sweat, and yes tears. I think I earned it. I'm not out for the medals but it does feel nice to get recognized from time to time.

I think its really strange, that it took so long for me to FINALLY get over a lot of the issues facing me. Doubtless the shakes and nightmares, sleepless nights and the works will plauge me for the rest of my life, but at last I feel like I can put at least some of this all behind me.


M said...


Go to the damn parades, you!

Unknown said...

I understand, Mikey. It's the removal of guilt because you found out it wasn't your fault. I get it.

And I didn't get anything for OIF II, either. Not EVEN a coin. I got an AAM from 1SG Barker when I med-boarded, but he said Deist had to write it, so Deist made ME write my OWN BULLETS. I wrote my own freakin award. I don't think it should count. It's hanging on my wall, though. :)