I can not say for certain where my fotrunes take me from here, but i have begun to accept that i AM talented. I have begun to accept that perhaps i am more than i always put myself down as, baisically nothing special. I am a good medic. I am told time and again that I am the best my guys have seen. I am told time and again that they trust me. It makes the nonstop ass raping i get from Cpt Brock more bareable. These men see me as one of them. Even though technically, and on every book you look at officially I am not.
Once again i was sent out on rotation WITHOUT morphine. Once again I am angered by the games that are being played. I do not like the fact that time and again I am treated like either an upstart, or a child. I am told they see me as arrogant. Even though at every opertunity i have practically choked myself on humble pie. I feel that i am being punished for personality differances, and it plainly sucks. I sometimes feel that the political games being played are more important to them than treatment of patients. Of course such an acusation is serous indeed. At this point it is more of a vauge feeling. But despite theat there is obvious mistrust between both Docs and the line medics.
I am marveling (on the inside) at the amazing bullshit factor. I can not believe that people could be so interested in political games in and around battallion headquarters, while soldiers are getting blown up and shot at on a regular baisis. It happens time and again. In some quarters there is a feeling of "they don't give two shits and a handshake". When i get treated like this, I have to admit, I feel the same way. I have taken that damn test three times again. Each time it's gotten progressivly stupider what they want. 100%, which in my book baisically means i have to learn telepathy some time soon (which, might help me out SO much)
If the medical aspect weren't madening enough, I am confronted with a terrible propisition of facing even MORE IEDs and EFPs. MORE indirect fire, and possibly even some ambushes. The Bn cdr, and CSM, have been nicknamed "eyepro (eye protection ie ballistic glasses) 6, and knee pad 7" Baisically saying that having soldiers wear their assorted ppe is more important to them than the soldiers, the missions preformed and the casualties. The CSM doesn't even leave the wire anymore, the LTC, well he insists on things some people feel is sheer insanity. Worse, The comments made by him at both Craig and Harrelson's memorial service ilistrated to us that he didn't get it.
So here i sit. Literally in mortal danger, far more than any of the FOBbits (people who never leave the FOB) i've lost two soldiers under my care, and I feel like the people above me just do not care. If this makes me seem arrogant when trying to explain my situation, so be it. I am the one who's ass is on the line. I am the one they send out set up for failure. It is only my guys that keep me going. I do not care what the command thinks, if i get promoted or even if i get any awards this time around. a shiny peice of metal isn't going to change how i feel. I know what i've done. If they think that makes me proud and stuck up. . . to hell with them.
But, maybe my anger at my chain of command isn't what I should end on. I have been helping my PSG with his wedding vows. No he is not marrying someone new, he is remarrying his wife of 11 years. Finally giving her the ceremony she so desires. He has a good heart but his way is action, not words so much. He kind of chuckled and said to me that I should go work for Halmark. I think that's pretty funny. Maybe my poetic tallents are more than i had thought. Maybe there is more to me than i gave myself credit. I am starting to accept who i am as a person and what i can do. I have begun to accept who I am. Perhaps that won't lead to a more peaceful life, for conflict is part of my nature, but maybe it will make it easier.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Friday, August 3, 2007
Passing out
It is rare that a medic should need to b e treated, far more often it is the medic doing the treatment. Last night, was a different story for me. I had done three LONG missions that day, and finally waiting for EOD on a possible IED site i just lost it, got real dizzy and next thing i know SSG D is over me trying to wake me up. So how did it happen? Well here's how
1) it's on average 120 F in Baghdad.
2) The vehicles we work in have no a/c, although the new Uparmored humvees were designed with a/c sadly they are broken. Seeing as the armor baisically retains heat, it's hotter INSIDE than outside.
3) sometinmes the mission come first. so yea. nuff said there
The ride back was if anything worse than anything else. I realize now that i was REALLY out of it. I was about to flip out when i saw the tall grass flying by my window. At one point i became coherent enough to notice a petrolium smell. I rather stupidly said "gas I smell gas" I saw something sloshing, and then dripping down from the turrent. SSG D was like it's only CLP. Well it was good to know it wasn't gas but CLP. Why gas would have splashed all over me from the turrent is one of those questions you don't ask the delerious.
I also remember SSG D's face was REALLY fuzzy. In between the cramps and everything else, when i tried to focus on him it was like i was drunk and i couldn't see strait. NOT GOOD. In the end, when i made it back, Stern hooked me up and all was well. Almost. I got dragged in, they didn't even try to let me walk. But at that point i was both lathargic and delerious. It took my mind a long time to work out things. when asked what day it was it took a few seconds to answer "the 2nd?" well 3 IV bags later i felt a little better, but i wasn't really out of the woods yet. I had to agressivly orally rehydrate before i just finally crashed out.
Recovery is a bitch. I don't care what you are recovering from. A simple cold, surgery, Gunshot wounds, dehydration. Recovery is sometimes worse than the actual injury or illness. I didn't take too long to recover, BUT it took too long. i felt like shit the whole time. Not much to do there but sit it out. But guzzling water like an ethopian, really not fun. Good news, i'm all better.
1) it's on average 120 F in Baghdad.
2) The vehicles we work in have no a/c, although the new Uparmored humvees were designed with a/c sadly they are broken. Seeing as the armor baisically retains heat, it's hotter INSIDE than outside.
3) sometinmes the mission come first. so yea. nuff said there
The ride back was if anything worse than anything else. I realize now that i was REALLY out of it. I was about to flip out when i saw the tall grass flying by my window. At one point i became coherent enough to notice a petrolium smell. I rather stupidly said "gas I smell gas" I saw something sloshing, and then dripping down from the turrent. SSG D was like it's only CLP. Well it was good to know it wasn't gas but CLP. Why gas would have splashed all over me from the turrent is one of those questions you don't ask the delerious.
I also remember SSG D's face was REALLY fuzzy. In between the cramps and everything else, when i tried to focus on him it was like i was drunk and i couldn't see strait. NOT GOOD. In the end, when i made it back, Stern hooked me up and all was well. Almost. I got dragged in, they didn't even try to let me walk. But at that point i was both lathargic and delerious. It took my mind a long time to work out things. when asked what day it was it took a few seconds to answer "the 2nd?" well 3 IV bags later i felt a little better, but i wasn't really out of the woods yet. I had to agressivly orally rehydrate before i just finally crashed out.
Recovery is a bitch. I don't care what you are recovering from. A simple cold, surgery, Gunshot wounds, dehydration. Recovery is sometimes worse than the actual injury or illness. I didn't take too long to recover, BUT it took too long. i felt like shit the whole time. Not much to do there but sit it out. But guzzling water like an ethopian, really not fun. Good news, i'm all better.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Absent Friends
I have not written for a long time. I have not had the motivation to. Here is why. We have lost two of our own. Two really good men have died in service to their country.
Andre Craig: A brave man, witty and funny, he would always voulenteer for things, and laugh about everything. When you'd get screwed over he's shrug and say "that's alright" He was a friend, and always loyal. He loved his daughter, even though he only saw her once, before he died. He was planning on making the army a career, and I joed with him once that he would be Seargent Major Craig, and I'd come bug him for things. I treated him. Somehow he managed to hang on till we got to Loyalty, but sadly, he lost the fight for his life on the bird. It was bad. I will not describe his injuries here, know only that they were horific, and he literally would not have lived regaurdless of any action that could have been taken on his behalf.
Harilson: A country boy through and theough. Though we teased him about it, he really did have a Forest Gumpesque quality to him. though he might bitch about this detail or that or his team leader getting on his case he always tried to look on the bright side. he wasa great guy, quiet and hard working. you knew that if he got off the gorund he'd go far. He was killed by a roadside bomb yesterday (17 july). He was dead before i ever got on scene.
They were my brothers. I will miss them. War is terrible, and sadly this is the profession i am a master of. All i can do is remember them and try to move on.
Andre Craig: A brave man, witty and funny, he would always voulenteer for things, and laugh about everything. When you'd get screwed over he's shrug and say "that's alright" He was a friend, and always loyal. He loved his daughter, even though he only saw her once, before he died. He was planning on making the army a career, and I joed with him once that he would be Seargent Major Craig, and I'd come bug him for things. I treated him. Somehow he managed to hang on till we got to Loyalty, but sadly, he lost the fight for his life on the bird. It was bad. I will not describe his injuries here, know only that they were horific, and he literally would not have lived regaurdless of any action that could have been taken on his behalf.
Harilson: A country boy through and theough. Though we teased him about it, he really did have a Forest Gumpesque quality to him. though he might bitch about this detail or that or his team leader getting on his case he always tried to look on the bright side. he wasa great guy, quiet and hard working. you knew that if he got off the gorund he'd go far. He was killed by a roadside bomb yesterday (17 july). He was dead before i ever got on scene.
They were my brothers. I will miss them. War is terrible, and sadly this is the profession i am a master of. All i can do is remember them and try to move on.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Rough times, and how to insert foot in mouth.
First Mad Jack breaks his hand. Then Delta Phil breaks his too. He's already gone down to Qatar to get the orthoscopic surgery, and from there to heal on ConLeave. So we are slightly sucking on people. Not to worry, the Loose Cannanons always pull through. But somehow for the time being we don't see whole. It seems almost as if we are missing some vital component. Add to this the stand down, and you have a platoon that hasn't done too much in almost 2 weeks. a sad state of affairs if ever i saw them.
And Then there's Lisa. Cassy was telling the truth. I just didn't want to belive her. it took the gentle words of my mother to tell me that she'd moved on. what i had begun to accept became painfully clear, and in a way liberating. It's sad she has no foresight, but then few people do. If I manage to survive Iraq, it's clear i am going on to do great things. so screw her. But women will be women
I also got that not so rare foot in mouth disease. A few things said to the wrong people at the wrong time and voila. The Pa heard me, tired, and exasperated tell a pt he had to wait for the doc to get up. oh well. i got a little reaming but hey that's life.
I'm still driving on the most dangerous roads in Iraq. I'm still having a hell of a time, and despite the heat i'm still having fun. So yea life is good. i doubt being single (again!!!) is going to cause me too much heartache. Rose Palms never left me and i Doubt i'll be single for long. but hey what do i know. I lost one of my two readers haha
And Then there's Lisa. Cassy was telling the truth. I just didn't want to belive her. it took the gentle words of my mother to tell me that she'd moved on. what i had begun to accept became painfully clear, and in a way liberating. It's sad she has no foresight, but then few people do. If I manage to survive Iraq, it's clear i am going on to do great things. so screw her. But women will be women
I also got that not so rare foot in mouth disease. A few things said to the wrong people at the wrong time and voila. The Pa heard me, tired, and exasperated tell a pt he had to wait for the doc to get up. oh well. i got a little reaming but hey that's life.
I'm still driving on the most dangerous roads in Iraq. I'm still having a hell of a time, and despite the heat i'm still having fun. So yea life is good. i doubt being single (again!!!) is going to cause me too much heartache. Rose Palms never left me and i Doubt i'll be single for long. but hey what do i know. I lost one of my two readers haha
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Blackout Blues
It is really annoying to spend days out at the COP (this last one was a dusey at one point all OPs were firing and the Apachees joined in on the fun) only to combe back and find out that you are on commo blackout. Even more troublesome when you have no idea why. Now the stated purpose for commo blackout is sound, you don't want people calling home before the barevement team shows up. But sadly this purpose does not always work. There are . . . other methods of calling home, and, well commo blackout doesn't affect any of them.
The really sad part is if you are waiting for something important, say a girlfriend to write back, or, to see on webcam your baby being born (personally SCREW that, i've seen one birth and that is MORE than enough for one lifetime.) For me it is a chance to talk to the people i can only really keep in contact with throught the internet. Lisa for one, though even online her messages are somewhat slack. What i'm left with is previous suspicions heart ache and loss. but that's the norm for me right now.
Now being able to tell everyone about our adventures, and they are something of a tale, is something that helps me unwind. In fact having nothing but time on my hands in the FOB really works against me and all the issues i can forget about (because i'm so damm busy, or miserable from other things like the heat) come bubling back to the surface. Lisa first and formost. Am I still with her, doeas she love me, is she really cheating on me, how do i tell her how i feel in ways she can understand. Then there's the Grandparents. their slow deteriation si something i both want to be a part of and want nothing to do with, then my Borther and the stranger that he is to me, my parents and their endless woes, and genrally life itself.
Perhaps it is selfish. But it is what i long for. If you try to be sorry for every poor Joe that eats an EFP, you'll be sucking emotionally. The simple truth is you insulate yourself. i don't want to know about the other platoons, i don't want to know about their woes other than when they do something stupid and we can laugh at them. I don't want to rember and endless list of names, of people we left behind. So i bitch about Commo Blackout, knowing full well what it is for and why it is there. Sue me.
The really sad part is if you are waiting for something important, say a girlfriend to write back, or, to see on webcam your baby being born (personally SCREW that, i've seen one birth and that is MORE than enough for one lifetime.) For me it is a chance to talk to the people i can only really keep in contact with throught the internet. Lisa for one, though even online her messages are somewhat slack. What i'm left with is previous suspicions heart ache and loss. but that's the norm for me right now.
Now being able to tell everyone about our adventures, and they are something of a tale, is something that helps me unwind. In fact having nothing but time on my hands in the FOB really works against me and all the issues i can forget about (because i'm so damm busy, or miserable from other things like the heat) come bubling back to the surface. Lisa first and formost. Am I still with her, doeas she love me, is she really cheating on me, how do i tell her how i feel in ways she can understand. Then there's the Grandparents. their slow deteriation si something i both want to be a part of and want nothing to do with, then my Borther and the stranger that he is to me, my parents and their endless woes, and genrally life itself.
Perhaps it is selfish. But it is what i long for. If you try to be sorry for every poor Joe that eats an EFP, you'll be sucking emotionally. The simple truth is you insulate yourself. i don't want to know about the other platoons, i don't want to know about their woes other than when they do something stupid and we can laugh at them. I don't want to rember and endless list of names, of people we left behind. So i bitch about Commo Blackout, knowing full well what it is for and why it is there. Sue me.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Remember and look foward.
D-Day happened some 63 years ago. My regament granered it's nickname, and one of the most truly climactic battles of the 20th century began. It is important to remember days such as these. but is is also important to know what it means. simply looking sad and being like "oh that sucked" won't do it. to truly honor those that died you must bare true faith and allegance to the same principles they fought and died for. freedom. Not just the bill of rights freedoms, but ALL freedoms, even freedom of thought (see Nazi brainwashing). It is also important to note that the "war" that america is embroiled in now is nowhere near the intensity of WWII and thus not as climactic.
Here i sit in Baghdad no fog, not even a drop of rain, and really nothing similar to that fateful June day except for one thing. 16th Infantry Regament is still fighting and dying for the freedoms of others. the talk is different, the pinups are different, and even the tactics and weapons are different, but if we took soldiers off the boats as they headed into Normandy, doubtless they would be remarkably similar to the soldiers to todays soldiers.
Here i sit in Baghdad no fog, not even a drop of rain, and really nothing similar to that fateful June day except for one thing. 16th Infantry Regament is still fighting and dying for the freedoms of others. the talk is different, the pinups are different, and even the tactics and weapons are different, but if we took soldiers off the boats as they headed into Normandy, doubtless they would be remarkably similar to the soldiers to todays soldiers.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Hurry Up and Wait
It is an old saying. "Hurry Up and Wait" the seemingly countrary statement is one that, if you have not been in a military, might not make anny sense. In the civillian world, time is money, and wasted time it not acceptable. In the army, you are always ready to go, and you are always acting like everything has to be done NOW, with the minor exception of certain things (ie details designed to keep you "out of sight out of mind")
Sadly, even in a warzone, where quite often the chaos is pure "move your ass" there is still the same hurry up and wait. It is something that a poor soul like me with ADHD, finds taxing, frusteration, agravating, and always down right annoying. Although i have gotten good at finding something to do with nothing. . . but still, I HATE sitting arouns with my thumb up my ass.
Today was one such day. At one point it looked like a simple drop off detanees, grab chow, head back and do some other bullshit mission. but that was not the case. For some reason we stayed here. We waited, and waited, and perhaps most frusterating of all we had these assholes in our AO!!! I wouldn't have minded staying in Rusty all day, if we'd had a clear understanding of exactly what was going on, if we weren't locked down, and if we DIDN'T HAVE FUCKING MILITA IN OUR AO!!! Like i've said before, once you detain them they go from jonny jihad for life to super bitch in no time.
So finally it came down not rolling out tonight. No problem. Fuck the COP for a night. it'll still be there in the morning, and besides if someone has to do a little extra COP security, FUCK EM. We did a week of that shit WITH NO FUCKING A/C!!!
As one can tell I'm a little frusterated. It might be the fact that i am so far from lisa, or that it's a roller coaster ride (and 90% of it is me mind fucking myself) Or hey the grand parents circiling the drain. In their last few years of life, the decline is. . . rapid. Or maybe it's the fact that i'm doing this shit again when i should be at college. I've reached that "iritation" phase. everything is iritating and annoying, and often little things make me angry. In a few months i'll probably reach indifferent. but for right now. . . i hate this fucking place, the NP's and IA need to get their shit strait, and it's pissing me off to see grown men act like kids playing soldier.
I've had a lot of time to sit and think about things, and the more i think about them, the angrier i get. It is simply not enough to say "fuck this place" and drive on. When i get back i'll have four combat stripes. FOUR. that's two years of my life and if they extend me again i'll have as many as Audy Murphy. I tire of this. and yet, i had to come. I had to be here. In the end i am a Vet of the truest degree. I hate the places i go, yet i miss being there when i'm not there. weird world hugh.
Sadly, even in a warzone, where quite often the chaos is pure "move your ass" there is still the same hurry up and wait. It is something that a poor soul like me with ADHD, finds taxing, frusteration, agravating, and always down right annoying. Although i have gotten good at finding something to do with nothing. . . but still, I HATE sitting arouns with my thumb up my ass.
Today was one such day. At one point it looked like a simple drop off detanees, grab chow, head back and do some other bullshit mission. but that was not the case. For some reason we stayed here. We waited, and waited, and perhaps most frusterating of all we had these assholes in our AO!!! I wouldn't have minded staying in Rusty all day, if we'd had a clear understanding of exactly what was going on, if we weren't locked down, and if we DIDN'T HAVE FUCKING MILITA IN OUR AO!!! Like i've said before, once you detain them they go from jonny jihad for life to super bitch in no time.
So finally it came down not rolling out tonight. No problem. Fuck the COP for a night. it'll still be there in the morning, and besides if someone has to do a little extra COP security, FUCK EM. We did a week of that shit WITH NO FUCKING A/C!!!
As one can tell I'm a little frusterated. It might be the fact that i am so far from lisa, or that it's a roller coaster ride (and 90% of it is me mind fucking myself) Or hey the grand parents circiling the drain. In their last few years of life, the decline is. . . rapid. Or maybe it's the fact that i'm doing this shit again when i should be at college. I've reached that "iritation" phase. everything is iritating and annoying, and often little things make me angry. In a few months i'll probably reach indifferent. but for right now. . . i hate this fucking place, the NP's and IA need to get their shit strait, and it's pissing me off to see grown men act like kids playing soldier.
I've had a lot of time to sit and think about things, and the more i think about them, the angrier i get. It is simply not enough to say "fuck this place" and drive on. When i get back i'll have four combat stripes. FOUR. that's two years of my life and if they extend me again i'll have as many as Audy Murphy. I tire of this. and yet, i had to come. I had to be here. In the end i am a Vet of the truest degree. I hate the places i go, yet i miss being there when i'm not there. weird world hugh.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Lovers become friends.
I think it's pretty official. Of whatever the hell "official" is. Lisa and I are just friends. Although I probably should be hurt, i see her smiling face, and i just can't be mad. I love her. She'll always be something special to me, and i may not ever be able to explain why. Ultimatly this relationship didn't have the strong roots it needed to survive two back to back deployments. It is not anyone's fault. It just is.
Does this put me "back on the market"? No. I'm still hoping to pick up with Lisa when the dust settles, but let's face it, i'm 23 and i've been to war twice. She's 21 and she hasn't been in the army that long. I can't blame her. Hell AIT was insane for me. If i'd had a girl back then. . . well she's in a male heavy MOS, so it's probably just like my experience at Ft Sam, only with less people. Of course Ft Sam will always be a special catagory. Medics ar MEDCOM's grunts. that being said, we partied our asses off, and as for medic females. . . fond memories. haha. Is Lisa sleeping around? No. I don't think so. She's pretty busy from what i take it. she'd have to be pretty determined to sleep around.
I will push on. It's all i can do. with the frusteration with my grandparents, it comes at a bad time. Still, Lisa my dear, if you ever read this, I don't hold it against you. I am not angry. When i looked at your picture, all i felt is warmth of love and acceptance that this is as it should be.
Does this put me "back on the market"? No. I'm still hoping to pick up with Lisa when the dust settles, but let's face it, i'm 23 and i've been to war twice. She's 21 and she hasn't been in the army that long. I can't blame her. Hell AIT was insane for me. If i'd had a girl back then. . . well she's in a male heavy MOS, so it's probably just like my experience at Ft Sam, only with less people. Of course Ft Sam will always be a special catagory. Medics ar MEDCOM's grunts. that being said, we partied our asses off, and as for medic females. . . fond memories. haha. Is Lisa sleeping around? No. I don't think so. She's pretty busy from what i take it. she'd have to be pretty determined to sleep around.
I will push on. It's all i can do. with the frusteration with my grandparents, it comes at a bad time. Still, Lisa my dear, if you ever read this, I don't hold it against you. I am not angry. When i looked at your picture, all i felt is warmth of love and acceptance that this is as it should be.
Friday, May 18, 2007
War and Peace
It is easily said that any soldier desires peace at the end of the day. a day off, or away, sometimes is all the peace you need. sometimes it's not. for me right now a day off, and eved away from my platoon, do me not the slighest bit of good. It's getting to the point (the point that is reached in all deployments) where the quirks start to get on your nerves. Who knew that the seccond time around would be worse than the first.
I am getting annoyed at my PSG. His constant insistance that i always drop everything ang go to the gym is kind of iritation. worst of all i've stopped losing weight and actually GAINED weight. I'm up from the previous 216 to 222. This is something of a concern for me. Of course i have been lifting a lot more lately, so i guess it balences out.
The war continues, but i truly tire of it. The patrols, COP security, even the dull routine of being back here "relaxing". The only thing that i can say about the refit days that really has me happy is that at least my roomie isn't here. He was REALLY starting to get on my nerves. But if the way things are going is any indication, you can bet, i'll be fruity as a nut cake when i redeploy.
I am truly growing to lothe going out to speak to these people. The lies they tell aren't even that good. Half the time they tell me things that are absolutly beyond the relm of possibility. And of course NOBODY KNOWS A FUCKING THING. If America has as many people in it that had no idea what is going on. . . well i'm pretty sure it'd be like three mile island but worse. I grow tired of kids asking for soccer balls then throwing rocks at us when we don't have any. Perhaps worst of all, I am sick of dealing with ISF (Iraqi Security Forces) I won't say anything on here that might be useful to the Enemy, but my opinion of them is low.
The Peace I long for. . . I wouldn't mind a place in the country. A farm. A place with horses maybe. somewhere near the moutains, somewhere that is cool in the summer, and in the winter there is snow. A place full of green. A place with a loving, or at least understanding wife, and a few munchkins, a lot of munchkins. But will i ever get suck a place? It is doubtful. I also doubt i'd find peace anywhere. A Warrior can leave the war but the war never leaves the warrior.
I am getting annoyed at my PSG. His constant insistance that i always drop everything ang go to the gym is kind of iritation. worst of all i've stopped losing weight and actually GAINED weight. I'm up from the previous 216 to 222. This is something of a concern for me. Of course i have been lifting a lot more lately, so i guess it balences out.
The war continues, but i truly tire of it. The patrols, COP security, even the dull routine of being back here "relaxing". The only thing that i can say about the refit days that really has me happy is that at least my roomie isn't here. He was REALLY starting to get on my nerves. But if the way things are going is any indication, you can bet, i'll be fruity as a nut cake when i redeploy.
I am truly growing to lothe going out to speak to these people. The lies they tell aren't even that good. Half the time they tell me things that are absolutly beyond the relm of possibility. And of course NOBODY KNOWS A FUCKING THING. If America has as many people in it that had no idea what is going on. . . well i'm pretty sure it'd be like three mile island but worse. I grow tired of kids asking for soccer balls then throwing rocks at us when we don't have any. Perhaps worst of all, I am sick of dealing with ISF (Iraqi Security Forces) I won't say anything on here that might be useful to the Enemy, but my opinion of them is low.
The Peace I long for. . . I wouldn't mind a place in the country. A farm. A place with horses maybe. somewhere near the moutains, somewhere that is cool in the summer, and in the winter there is snow. A place full of green. A place with a loving, or at least understanding wife, and a few munchkins, a lot of munchkins. But will i ever get suck a place? It is doubtful. I also doubt i'd find peace anywhere. A Warrior can leave the war but the war never leaves the warrior.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Comparisons
take a look at the above picture. That wouls be called the "now" I'm pulling security from a bunker (hence the sand bags)
While this one
is when i was finally about to leave Gains Mills. Notice any differance? i would like to think that one is the same as the other but i realize that in a way despite the fact that they are the same person at different time and they share experiences, one is more mature, and better. the other is close to a rough night, and swaeing off drinking (it didn't last).
Some times you wish you could go back. Who would i be if i hadn't joined? Who knows.
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